shafted in a sense.

this summer has not been what i was hoping for, and i only have about a month left. i have gone to a few really good concerts, and i have some more good ones coming up (like tomorrow...the classic crime, moneta, holyfield, and new heights!). i guess i just feel like i've been shafted in a sense. some people that i thought i would be hanging out with, i haven't seen hardly at all. i feel like i am everyone's last priority, like no one wants to see me. trying to arrange anything is like pulling teeth, and it shouldn't have to be like that. i've barely done anything fun. i'm just working and then on my days off, i sit at home doing nothing. i hate it. part of me really wants to go back to school right now, but then i think back to last year and how lonely i was all the time. i'm afraid that i'm setting my expectations for next year way too high. i keep telling myself that i'm going to make all of these new friends this year, and i try to convince myself that it won't turn out like last year. i just don't know what i can do differently to change it. i tried so frickin hard to make friends last year, but to no avail. my whole situation is just really frustrating. i thought that at least when i came home for the summer, my old friends would want to see me and spend time with me. i've barely seen any of them. i just don't know.

there's no way that's urine.

this has been a spectacular week. i got to see one of my favorite bands, the maine, on monday night. they were playing at showbox sodo with boys like girls, good charlotte and metro station. all of the bands were really good. i really didn't even want to see good charlotte. i know a few of their songs, but i just thought they were so overrated. they put on such an amazing show and got the crowd so loud it was unbelievable. metro station was also very good, which was unexpected. and boys like girls were wonderful...so many screaming girls, but still wonderful. obviously, my favorite was the maine. they are so amazing live i can't even describe. the pit was insanity....so many bodies all mashed in together, body parts everywhere. plus, there was this creeper [probably a straight up pedophile or convicted sex offender] standing right in front of me before the show started. he was standing there all alone, a book in his back pocket, listening to an ipod, with a baseball cap on. he was probably in his late 50's. me and emilie were listening to metro station on my ipod while waiting for the show to start. he kept looking back at me and finally mumbled something to me. i couldn't understand so i said "what?" and he repeated "i'll show you my playlist if you show me yours..." i was so creeped out that i just looked away and didn't respond. when i didn't respond, he's like "are you interested?" so i just said "we're listening to metro station, okay? it's metro station." it was so awkward...like we were legitimately creeped out by it. i told emilie that as soon as the show started, we would jump/mosh our way away from him, which we did. the maine came out and everyone started screaming. i think it was mostly just the hype of the concert starting, because not that many people were singing along or seemed to really know the songs. the crowd was absolutely insane. i almost got pushed over like five times. it was just a messy sweatfest in the pit. we left it after the maine played cause we were hecka sweaty. we got some drinks and hung out in the back. metro station played next, then good charlotte. while good charlotte played, we were standing behind this one dude who was totally spazzing out the whole time. no one else around us was moving, except for him. i actually took a video of it because it was so hilarious. we bought some merch before boys like girls came on. i bought a shirt and emilie bought two. boys like girls played last, and they were really good. they were better than i thought they'd be, but they didn't do an encore which i thought was odd. we waited around inside for a while because we thought the maine would come hang out by their merch table after the show. there was a group of about thirty girls just standing around waiting for them. when we were giving up and just going to leave because we were being kicked out, i overheard their merch guy tell another girl that the guys were talking outside. we had waited in the venue for half an hour while they were outside. awesome. when we finally got out the door, we saw five clumps of girls....which we knew were around the five band members, haha. we talked to pat first, and that was fun. he signed our shirts and we got pictures. he's just so cute, you want to pinch his cheeks, haha. he was really nice. then we talked to jared. i told him how much i love the new album, and he said he was glad, haha. then we moved on to kennedy, because there wasn't really anyone around him. he was super nice just like last time. then we went to garrett. when we went over to him, there was a girl and her mom talking to him and getting autographs. when they started to walk away, the mom was still talking to him, and the girl started screaming "mom! just stop talking, just stop talking!" then she buried her head in her hands haha. garrett turned to us and he's like "i don' t know why people get so embarrassed, i'd want my mom to talk to people!" we talked about that for a couple minutes. in the mean time, that girl had run away at full speed. we all started cracking up. it was sooo hilarious. then we went to talk to john, who had the biggest circle of people around him. we ended up just hanging out there for like twenty minutes because we wanted the circle of people to get smaller, which it never really did. but, while we were standing there talking with him and a bunch of other girls, we all realized that we were standing in urine. john's like "there's no way that's urine...there's no way." the maine's trailer was right behind us and behind the trailer was the tour bus for one of the other bands. apparently, they had just dumped their toilet on the street, and we were standing in it. obviously we all moved. the joke for the rest of the night was that john had peed his pants hardcore. it was pretty funny, but it stunk so bad! we finally got a chance to talk to him and while he was signing my shirt, i was like "i have a question for you..." and he's like "yeah? whats up?" so i asked him what eighty-one twenty-three is. it's in their song called 'we all roll along' and i had listened to it over and over and had no idea what eighty-one twenty-three was. apparently it was an old parking garage where he and his friends hung out a lot. they'd go up to the top of it and just chill. we got pictures, talked a little more, and then we peaced out of there. by the time we left, we had been hanging around after the concert ended for an hour and a half. but it was soo much fun. it wasn't fun waking up to go to work the next day, but it was so worth it.

i love going to shows. emilie put it so perfectly while we were driving home. she said that it gives you a high, without actually doing anything. and that is exactly what it is. i always just feel amazing after leaving a show, whether it be bands that i love, bands that i just kinda like, local bands, hugely popular bands, whatever. and i think this is why so many kids go to shows all the time. for a few hours you can enter the venue and forget everything outside. it takes you to a whole other world where your problems no longer exist, a world where everything is fine, and everyone gets along. that's another thing i love - that you automatically have something in common with every person in the room - a love for the same music. and, people aren't judgemental. you can wear whatever the heck you want and dance around the a buffoon and no one would think less of you.

i went to see the dark knight at midnight at bella botega last night with my sisters. it was like a mad house. there were so many people. it was unreal. not to mention i saw like eight thousand people i know. okay, so that's an exaggeration, but i saw a lot. plus, i saw two of the guys from moneta, so that was weird. the movie was awesome. like, seriously one of the best movies i've seen in a long time. it definitely, definitely surpassed the awesomeness of batman begins. heath ledger was insane...you almost can't tell that it's him. christian bale is always amazing. it was just a really good movie.

works been going alright. i haven't been working as much as i'd like because there aren't enough shifts for all of the divisional employees, which is a little annoying. i got to work in children's on wednesday, so that was good. i'm making some good money still, which is really nice. it's weird to think that i will only be working there for about another month. it's insane to me that i go back to school in less than six weeks. i do really honestly want to go back though. i'm really excited for my classes this semester, and i'm excited to live in a new dorm and meet some more new people.

now that i've been working, i've realized something about myself. i noticed that i can usually tell in about five minutes if i'm going to get along with someone or not. there's one person that i've only worked with a couple times, and i can already tell that this is someone that i don't want to be around. i'm always nice to people, even if i don't like them, but i would never be friends with this guy. he acts like he knows everything and that everyone else is scum. he looks down on everyone else and boasts about how much he sells. it's really annoying. i kinda can't stand him. luckily, i rarely work in the department he's in. i don't know, i wouldn't say it's like a 'sixth sense' or anything, i think i'm just really intuitive about people. though sometimes, this makes it difficult to have to work with people.

this is an outrage. i can't stop won't stop.

i've barely blogged at all this summer, though not for lack of spare time. work's been going alright i suppose. some days are better than others. i'm averaging about 32 hours a week, four eight hour days...though i only get paid for 28 of those hours. it's nice though because it's not quite full time, but more than part time. this week and next week i'm only working three days a week. i'm finally starting to get into the swing of things and to the point where i'm a little more comfortable with selling and all that jazz. i'm finding that i know how to do most of the stuff now, whereas before, i was always asking a ton of questions. plus, i must say, this job does pay really well. though it's near impossible to earn commission, especially as a divisonal employee. i've asked a ton of people if they've made commission, and none of them have. but, the 10.50 an hour is more than enough. i read in the sammamish review that qfc was hiring 'courtesy clerks' for 8.25 and hour...so i really have no reason to complain.

it was my birthday a few days ago. i don't feel any older. nineteen is kind of an in between age. eighteen is huge because you're half way legal. at twenty, you're not a teenager any more. and obviously at twenty-one, well, you know. so, it's great to be one year older, but not much has changed. i got some sweet gifts though. i got an amazing little speaker for my ipod. the sound quality is so good and portable. i also got zelda for my DS which i've been playing a lot in my spare time. then i also got psych season 1 on dvd, which is one of my favorite shows. ooh and i got two of these fantastic scarves from wet seal. honestly, no words can even describe them. they are spectacular. and i got some itunes gift cards, so i spent those right away.

on that note, the maine's new album, can't stop won't stop, came out on tuesday, july 8th. it is so wonderful. i've been listening to it non-stop since i bought it on tuesday. capital lights' album, this is an outrage, also came out on tuesday. i've only listened to it a couple times, but it is also really good. it was the first full-length for both of these bands, which is exciting. i have to memorize the maine's album though because i get to see them again on july 14th, which is only a few days away. i am so freaking excited to see them again. i saw them in spokane while i was at school. i was really loved their ep, but i fell even more in love after i saw them live. plus, they were seriously the sweetest guys i've ever met...just genuinely happy to meet their fans and so appreciative of each and every fan. that quality is very rare in bands these days, especially once they start to get more popular.

it's weirding me out to think that i go back to school in less than eight weeks. it's odd. there's a part of me that wants to never go back. and then there's another part that is really excited to go back. i think the excited part is thinking that i'm actually going to get out of my little bubble next year. freshman year kind of helped me learn what not to do at college, haha. such as, only hanging out with like two people for the first two weeks, and then by default, the entire year. i'm excited for some new freshmen, and i'm going to really try to make an effort to make friends in all my classes. and, i must say, i am really pumped to be living in ballard. i think it will be a much better living environment for me. it just feels like home when i walk in there....probably because it looks like a house, with a cute little living room type lounge, a fireplace, and home-y staircases. haha. it doesn't feel like a dorm, and i like that. plus, i'm excited to meet some new girls and also hang out with the guys in mac.

i've started running again, which is awesome. for some reason when i got home from school i had this phobia that people would see me if i went out. i also used the excuse that i was just too tired from working all day (which was partially true...it's really hard standing on your feet for eight hours a day). i finally went out for a run a few days ago and it felt amazing. i just love listening to my ipod and running until i can't go any more. i'm going to try to go a lot more.

the new batman movie comes out soon, and i'm thoroughly excited. i've heard that it's really dark, but really amazing. i mean, come on, it's christian bale and heath ledger. how could that be bad?! and i'm really glad that they replaced katie holmes as rachel. i really don't like katie holmes.

oh, i forgot. i did a painting the other day. it's not quite finished, i still have to paint on the words. it looks nothing at all like the vision i had in my head...so we'll see how the finished product looks. if anything, i'll just paint over it later or throw it away, haha. it felt good to paint something on my own time, and to paint what i wanted...instead of a to scale painting of the painting studio or a life size self portrait. goodness, that painting class was so horrible. i'm really glad that i changed my major...i might be losing my mind if i was still doing graphic design.

i suppose i should go to bed. i do have to work tomorrow, though not until 11:30, which is really nice. i like the 11:30-7:30 shift because then i don't have to open and i don't have to close. i can just go, work, and leave and not have to deal with the opening or closing the register and all that crap. i'm surprisingly not that tired right now, even though i didn't go to bed until about 2:45 am last night. i'm sure once my head hits that pillow i will be out like a light. peace.