what are the odds, right?

for once in my life, luck was on my side. my housing lottery number was 86...out of 10,000. the lottery went down last night in the HUB. i was utterly afraid that i'd end up in some horrible dungeon room in warren or the dreaded village. in my worrisome state, i even went so far to figure out that there were only a maximum of 4 girls with lottery numbers before mine...of course, there was always the possibility that someone with senior standing would want the same room as me and snatch it from my grasp. but what are the odds, right?

last night was the in-house sign up. my ideal dorm for next year is East Hall, which is brand new, so there was no in-house sign ups. but of course, i had to wait for that to end. after that, they proceeded to do quad sign ups...then triples sign ups...then finally singles sign ups. it was horrible waiting game. sitting there watching as more and more rooms got crossed off. finally, we lined up for single rooms. i was at the front of the line for the girls and Chessa was right behind me. our plan had worked - we would both get a single in East, since there were only two. jokingly, while waiting to be sent into the sign up room, i said "wouldn't it suck if some girl came jaunting in here with more housing points than us and just happened to want one of the singles in east?...but that would never happen!" i spoke too soon, because about a minute later, a girl came running in, with four housing points which pushed her to the front of the line. me and Chessa frantically asked "what dorm are you going to?"..."East," she replied. of course. at least she took the second floor single because i wanted the first floor, which was nice. unfortunately, Chessa didn't get into East, and ended up getting a single in Ballard. i'm sad we won't be in the same dorm next year, but i'm really happy that i got my first choice of rooms. i honestly couldn't believe it worked out for me. nothing works out in my favor with my horrible luck.

i'm excited for the new start this new dorm will bring for me. as much as i have loved living in ballard, and i've met a ton of new people, i'm excited to be living above ground where the sun can shine in and squirrels don't die in my window well. i'll no longer be living in an all-girls dorm (though, it's not like there is ever a time when there aren't guys in ballard). i'll be a junior, i won't have a roommate, i'll have new classes and will hopefully make more new friends. is it weird that i almost want to just skip over summer and head straight to the fall? maybe it's because the thought of summer just holds stress right now. i don't know where i will work, or if i'll be able to find work at all. if i can't, i will seriously lose my mind sitting at home all day every day. i won't have a ton of friends at home during the summer, though i'm happy to be returning a place where i can see good shows on a regular basis. it's a good-bad situation.

who knows? maybe i'll meet some new people at shows this summer. i really need to make some friends that are into the same kind of music as me so i don't have to drag people along with me. it'd be a much better situation for everyone involved.

i just realized that my fingers are hurting. i thought for a quick second that it might be due to typing so much, but then i remembered how i played guitar for about two hours yesterday. that'll do it. i'm so glad that i started playing guitar this year. i took the beginning class in the fall and i'm taking the intermediate class right now. i'm so sad that there isn't an advanced class that i can take next semester! i think i might try and take lessons through the school, even though it's more expensive. paul, who taught the beginning class and my intermediate class, teaches the lessons as well, so i know it would be a teacher i know and am comfortable with. i just don't want to stop taking lessons or a class because i know that if i do, i will never push myself to get any better or learn anything harder. i will still play, for sure, i just won't try to do more advanced stuff. that's exactly what happened with piano, and it makes me sad. i know that guitar is something i will continue for a long time, and i don't want to stop learning. of all the instruments i've learned (guitar makes five...), guitar is my favorite. i can easily just pick it up and play for a few minutes or an hour without a problem.

now, you're probably wondering why i'm writing such a lengthy blog at a moment like this. the answer is thus: i am bored as hell. right now, i only have four academic classes (plus guitar, radio, and ice skating as 1-credits). one of those is a night class, so i do that homework once a week. the other three classes that i have on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays, each have homework due roughly once a week. i have nothing due tomorrow and nothing due thursday. therefore, i have been sitting in the coffee shop for about three hours now. i caught up on heroes, and i'll probably watch parks & recreation later today. maybe a little fantasy factory, you know. i have too much free time, but i don't have enough time left here to get a job, since i'll be going back home in less than a month. so, for now, i don't do much of anything...hence, why i was able to play guitar for two hours yesterday.

i need to be entertained.

done with this in-between stage

the thought of growing up scares the hell out of me. when i was a kid, college seemed like an eternity away. i am now almost half way done with college. in july, i will turn 20. i will have been alive for two decades. i don't want to feel old, but i do.

on the other hand, i'm ready to be done with this in-between stage. i don't want to live with my parents any more. i want to be out in the world, living in an apartment with friends. it's a weird situation to be living in the dorms throughout the year and then move back in with the parentals for the summer. there's a different dynamic. though, i never had many rules to begin with, so it's not like they go back to trying to control my life, because they never really did. though, it will be nice to have my own room again for the summer. and i miss my bed, my big, comfy bed.

i'm in the process of planning my schedule for the fall, and i register on monday. as of right now, my schedule is not looking like it's going to be a lot of fun. i'll be taking probability and statistics, business law, physics I, consumer behavior, and digital imaging. plus, i'll probably try and take guitar lessons. this will put me at 17 credits, which is the max. i'm still not sure about physics. it's going to be super hard, but i'll be taking it with rebecca, which would be fun. i am still undecided.

always thinking about something, contemplating, brewing.

sometimes i wish my brain had an on/off switch. it's constantly working, like a diligent machine. unfortunately, it's a machine that never turns off, never takes a break. and because of that, it's starting to wear down a bit. even while i'm supposed to be sleeping, i'm still thinking. last night night i wasn't tired, for some reason unbeknown to me. i finally decided around 1:30 am that i should at least get into bed and try to fall asleep. i did have to wake at 6:30, afterall. last time i looked at the clock, it was 2:30 in the morning. i fell asleep some point after that, but proceeded to wake up every hour until it was finally time to get up. the weirdest part? i wasn't tired when i woke up. however, around 2 pm, it hit me like a ton of bricks. i then took a two hour nap. and now, here i am at 12:45 in the morning. not tired.

all this to say, i wish i could just stop for a while and sleep. i mean really sleep. my mind is always thinking about something, contemplating, brewing.

my eyes are straining to focus at the moment, and i should've known this would happen. i read 92 pages straight without getting up or looking around. i sat in the corner of the coffee shop, curled up by the fireplace and read for a couple hours - with a vanilla latte in tow, naturally. it was simply blissful, but now my eyes aren't working quite properly. the book's called "the will of god as a way of life" by jerry sittser. he's a prof here at whitworth and i had heard good things about the book. i ordered it on amazon a while ago, and it finally arrived today. i had no homework, so i decided to spend some time reading today, and it was wonderful. it's already helping put things in perspective for me. i've heard so many people say "do the will of God..." or "follow God's will..." but no one really explains what that means. this book is doing that for me.

the book emphasizes the fact that we should not focus on the future, but rather on the daily tasks that may seem mundane. if we can seek God first in those tasks, the future will take care of itself. it's nearly impossible for me to not think about and dwell on the future. it's all most of us think about. why do i work so hard for good grades? so i can get a good job later. why do we cultivate relationships now? to eventually get married and have kids. in fact, i find that thoughts of what my future might entail comandeer my mind on a regular basis. why is that? why can't we ever just be content to enjoy now?

my eyes are finally starting to get tired but my mind is still fully awake. it's a never ending battle between body and mind.