A place of spotty fulfillment and constant wondering.

I want to live at the crossroads where dreams and reality meet. The problem is, I don't know how to get there. It's a place of contentment. A place of happiness and fulfillment and never wondering. In all honesty, I'm not sure this place exists. Or maybe the issue is that I'm so unsure of everything in life that I doubt the existence of such a place. I want to leave a mediocre life and step into something extraordinary. I want things to happen that are important. I want to meet people that will become important in my eyes. I want to wake up every morning thanking God for the life I have the privilege to lead.

Right now, I have none of those things. I live on a road, utterly lost trying to reach the dream with no map or way to navigate myself to its embrace. It's a place of uncertainties. A place of spotty fulfillment and constant wondering. I have no idea how to leave a less-than-wonderful life and get into one that's unbelievable. The things I am experiencing are currently necessary at best, and not the least bit important. Some of the people I'm surrounded by give me the opposite of a reason to seem important to me [though, admittedly, I can't imagine life without a couple others]. I wake up thinking, "What the fuck am I doing?" and asking God the exact same question.

It's a question I don't have an answer to, and probably never will. And God doesn't seem to be offering up any helping hand at the moment. I have so many dreams, hopes, desires. They seem unattainable and unrealistic right now. Sometimes I think they are outlandish and unworthy of any lingering thought. But in reality, maybe this experience is better than having no dreams at all. Dreams, they motivate me, push me to at least attempt things that may seem impossible. I suppose it's an existence more fulfilling than living for, hoping for, reaching for nothing at all. At minimum, I can thank God for that.