nasty, ugly, creeper town, nothing-to-do spokompton.

it's saturday at 3:20 pm. i leave tomorrow morning at 11ish to head back to spokompton and start another year of school. it hasn't really sunk in yet that it's happening...right now. it doesn't feel like a whole year has gone by. it feels like just yesterday that i was packing to go to my first year of college. the anticipation was insane and i was so nervous about making friends and meeting so many new people. not to mention, i absolutely loath get-to-know-you activities. luckily, i won't have too many to go to this year, since i'm not a freshman any more! weird. unfortunately, going to back to school means leaving beautiful seattle and returning to nasty, ugly, creeper town, nothing-to-do spokompton. sounds like a blasty blast. but, i am really excited for my room....ballard basement! i'm pumped.

i'm heartbroken in every sense of the word. stephenie meyer's rough draft of midnight sun got leaked on the internet. she wasn't even half way finished. now, she's decided that she's putting it on hold indefinitely. i am crushed. i was sooooo looking forward to reading twilight from edward's perspective. she at least posted the draft on her website, and it's about 265 pages, which is still a lot, but it's not the whole book. it's not finished. i'm sad that some stupid person had to go ruin this for everyone, including stephenie. i respect her decision since this incident hurt her so badly, but she's going to have a LOT of really, really, really disappointed twilighters. i hope that in a couple months [or however long it may take] she will change her mind and finish writing it and publish it so we can all truly enjoy it. it just sucks because the actions of one person have ruined it for everyone. i'm really sad.

so enough about that sadness. i'm pretty much having a panic attack inside right now. i'm not completely done packing and i'm stressing out pretty bad. my room is like a death trap right now with all sorts of rubber made containers and crap strewn every where. i leave tomorrow and i'm not ready. i'm not ready to face everyone at school, to be around the constant 'happy' all the time. ugh, and no cable, which means i won't be able to watch project runway! i'm hecka pissed about that. plus, i'm definitely going to miss my pups. though, i've already said goodbye to a bunch of people, and it hasn't been as hard as it was last year, or as hard as i was expecting it to be, which is good. i think this is the first time that i haven't cried when saying goodbye to my sister. i'm getting better, i guess. i probably should get back to packing, since i just revealed that i'm stressing out about it...

a good attitude and high expectations.

summer is winding down and i feel like i've accomplished nothing. nothing at all. my plan of saving all of my earned money has been squashed by a little company called starbucks and a little addiction i have to live music. granted, i still saved a good chunk of my money, but not nearly as much as i needed to. oh well, i can't help that now. warped tour definitely put a dent in my bank account...$40 for the ticket, $25 for gas, $15 for dinner, $10 for merch, etc, etc. oh well. i had such a good time and i got to see a ton of amazing bands. although, i did get a very, very intense sunburn on my back and shoulders. i just stopped peeling a couple days ago. it was really quite sick, actually. this summer has been chalk full of good concerts, so i can't really complain. i saw moneta twice, holyfield twice, classic crime twice, new heights, summit avenue, dressed to kill, burning tree project, theme for murder, bank, barcelona, the maine, metro station, boys like girls, good charlotte, mayday parade, we the kings, all time low, automatic loveletter, and relient k [at least i think that's all]. wow. that's a lot more than i realized, though a few were lumped together at warped. my summer has seemed uneventful at best, but at least i got to see most of my favorite bands before heading off to my personal hell called spokane. okay, i guess that's an overstatement. i don't hate whitworth, not at all. in fact, the campus is very calming. i just hate spokane. i can't explain it really, i mean there are a bunch of concert venues, there are multiple starbucks' and two large malls. i really shouldn't complain, but i can' stop.

the idea of going back to school is so unexplainable for me. i'm torn in so many ways i can't even handle it. on the one hand, i am so ready to be busy again, to study, to go to class, to do homework even. i never thought i'd say that. but on the other hand, i don't want to deal with waking up every day and putting on my happy face for class. i just feel like at whitworth, everyone is happy all the time - like i'm not allowed to have a bad day, like it's not okay to be upset about anything. sometimes i'm not myself when i'm there, and i don't like being places that make me act like something i'm not. on one hand, i'm excited to move into ballard - a completely different dorm than last year. i'm excited to meet the girls on my hall. i'm excited to room with emilie, since it feels like we're totally on the same page as far as how to lay out our room and how we intend to live together. but, on the other hand, i am nervous to leave the security of my own room, my santuary. i spend a large [probably unhealthy] amount of time in my room at home. for some reason, the singularity keeps me sane. obviously i don't spend all day alone all locked up, but it's nice to have a place to escape where i can't be bothered.

my biggest worry about returning to school has nothing to do with anything previously mentioned, and that is my fear of being alone. last year was really rough for me in that department. i could easily count my friends on one hand, most of whom i rarely saw. i ate most meals alone. rarely i'd eat with one other person, but those days were few and far between. i have high hopes that this year will be different, but i also felt hopeful last year, and see how that turned out. maybe last year was just some type of freshman curse. i am going to go into this year with a good attitude and high expectations. maybe living in a different dorm will help. hopefully.

i got my lip pierced on monday. finally. i've been thinking about doing it for months and months now. i went to slave to the needle in ballard and they were awesome. it made me feel slightly better because they were super nice. i was so nervous to do it. it was much more intense than butterflies in my stomach...it was more like a raging dance party in my stomach. the guy doing it was super relaxed which helped calm my nerves a little. when i asked him how bad it would hurt, he said that biting your tongue was worse. wow. i could hardly believe that. i held my sister's hand in both of mine as she watched. i took a deep breath, exhaled, and in went the needle. it did not hurt nearly as bad as i was expecting. i mean, i obviously felt it, but it wasn't anywhere near the pain of fracturing my thumb in six places and dislodging it from the socket. it was over quite quickly, which helped. before i knew it, my lip had a cute little rhinestone in it. the rest of the day was weird. i kept waiting for the pain to come, like i knew it would. but, it never came. it was almost like my lip around the piercing was completely numb. even when the stud would stick out and move in the hole, i couldn't hardly feel it. me and rachel met our parents for lunch [which i didn't eat...i wasn't quite ready to eat just one hour after getting pierced] and then shopped around northgate for a few hours. i've had the piercing now for three days. it is the most sore today, but still nothing unbearable. it's not swollen or red. i've been taking care of it. in fact, that reminds me, i need to soak it in salt water before i go to bed tonight. the hardest part is just getting used to having it in my mouth...especially in things like smiling and eating, haha. i find that i can't speak quite normally yet. it feels weird to have something against my teeth. i'm slowly getting used to it though. people probably think i am just a gimp and can't talk like a normal person. oh well. i will get used to it soon.

ohh, that name, edward cullen.

the twilight saga is the greatest series i've ever read. there should be a warning label on the cover that states something along the lines of "more addictive than crack cocaine." it would be impossibly true. in a matter of a little over one week, i read twilight, new moon, eclipse, and breaking dawn. pretty much all of my free time was devoted to reading, including all of my breaks at work. many nights i found myself awake until three in the morning because i could not force myself to stop reading, to put it down. it was impossible to turn the page and not keep reading. it really is like a drug. it's been really nice to have something to distract myself from my own life, this summer. i had such high hopes for the summer, and they just sort of fizzled out to nothing. this past week has been the best of my entire summer. i can't even put into words why twilight is so amazing, it's something you have to experience. i thought that i could never be more obsessed with any series more than i was with harry potter, but i've met my match. it's getting to the point where the obsession is almost unhealthy....no, it's definitely unhealthy, but i don't care. i hate that i came across the series so late in the game, after the fourth and final book was already written. the amazingness came into my life and a week later, it's over. luckily, stephanie meyer is writing another novel called midnight sun, that retells the twilight story from edward cullen's perspective. ohh, that name, edward cullen. before i read twilight, i did not understand the obsession with him, i could not comprehend. after reading the first book of the series, i understand, and i am completely and utterly taken by the character. despite his being a vampire, he's pretty much the perfect man. plus, he doesn't seem much like a vampire because he's a 'vegetarian' and so is the rest of his family. i honestly think that every boy on the planet needs to read the series and learn. he's just so in love, and he knows how to show it. seriously, it's bad how in love i am with a fictional character. aaaand, the movie comes out november 21st [previously the release date for HP 6, which was moved to summer 2009] which will only make my obsession worse than it currently is. oh well. everyone on the face of the earth should have the pleasure of reading twilight.

i go back to school in exactly sixteen days. ugh. i have such mixed feelings about that right now. i'm ready to go back to school, to learn, to study. i am, however, not ready to go back to living in spokane, the nasty city it is. that sounded kind of derogatory...but i really do hate it. a lot. the downtown area where there is a big mall is kind of a nice area, but i just feel really unsafe in spokane. there's more crime there, at least it feels like it. i know there are creepers in seattle too, as there are every where, but i don't feel unsafe simply walking down the street in downtown seattle. i always feel on edge walking around spokompton. there's a reason people call it spokompton, after all. i guess i should at least be happy that it's a big city, and not some place way out in the boonies like pullman or something. blah. i don't know. at least my classes this semester should be good. i'm excited for them. and there at least a few people that i'm excited to see, despite my utter lack of friends.

i started jumping for joy around my room the other day. i just couldn't contain myself. i discovered, that this providence and a rocket to the moon are going to be coming to spokane on september 20th at the big dipper, which is a really small all ages venue. i've never been there, but they just reopened it, and it is supposedly ridiculously tiny, which will make it soooo much fun. i absolutely love both of those bands and i was sad that i wasn't going to be able to see TP for a really long time. i'm so happy. plus, it's the day after barcelona plays another free show at whitworth. not that i want to take all the credit for getting them to come play last year...but it was kinda my doing...considering i was the one that recommended them to Vi, the activities coordinator and gave their manager her name and email. apparently the show was such a hit that whitworth is bringing them back again this year. i feel so proud of my accomplishment, hahaha. and so modest too.

i have a headache, and i just realized why. i haven't been wearing my glasses all day and i've been staring at the computer screen for at least two hours now. actually, i've been squinting at the computer screen for two hours. sometimes i forget that i have horrible eyesight. i guess i should stop frying my brain now and get some sleep. i have my last day of work tomorrow. at least, as of right now, it's my last scheduled shift, and i'm going to put my two weeks in tomorrow, which i should have done at least a week ago. oh well. it's my own fault. they can't really force me to work, since i pick my own shifts. plus, i'm most likely going to get my lip pierced tomorrow night as a celebration, haha, so they wouldn't want me working anyway, since i'm not allowed to have any piercings besides ears...so ridiculous.

good night, loves.

something to feel a part of.

so much has happened. i went to holyfield's last show on july 22nd. i'm not gonna lie, i actually started tearing up when tony said it was going to be their last song. i just didn't want it to end. i think overall, that band meant more to me than any other. i don't know if i'd go so far as to say that they changed my life because i'd probably sound a little too obsessed. but really, they kind of did. about three years ago, they were the first local 'emo' band that i saw. [which really i can owe to barcelona because the first time i saw them was with barcelona]. immediately, i was hooked. because of holyfield/tysen, i started to go to more shows and get more involved in the local music scene. it gave me something...something...something to feel a part of. it made me feel like i was a part of something really awesome, that not many people knew about. most of the local bands whose shows i frequent are much better than a lot of the crap you hear on the radio. these bands deserve to be heard. they deserve to have fans. plus, they all have a passion for music. most local bands don't make enough money to do it for a living. they do it because they love to play music, and i love to listen to it. there's just something about being smashed in with hundreds of people who have the same interests as you. it brings people together for a common cause. plus, most bands are super nice to their fans and really want to meet all of them. i'm extremely sad to see holyfield break up, but there are others. some will fade, and more will emerge. people probably think it's lame to get all emotional over some band, but to me, they weren't just a band. they represent so much more - a change in my life. i've found something that i can't live without. and for that, i'll be forever grateful. not to mention, i've decided that i really want to work for a record label some day doing marketing, graphic design, or web design type stuff. i want to be involved in the industry.

[unfinished]