the crumbling-world days

why are some days so fantastic and wonderful and happy, and then others i feel like my world is crumbling? and mostly for no reason at all? today has been one of those days - the crumbling-world days, that is. sometimes these days happen because everything seems to be going wrong, like the world is out to get me, and other times (like today), i just feel really down but don't really know why. things that don't really matter appear to be huge problems, and i tend to blow things out of proportion, making my situation feel worse than it actually is. my mind will jump to the worst possible conclusion about everything. ugh. the worst part is that i feel dumb for feeling this way because i know there are people going through way worse things, like i shouldn't feel like this because my life isn't that bad. i can't help it though. every once in a while i get this way and i don't know how to make it stop.

i'm really in need of a dose of home - much more than i thought. i'm not really homesick, i just need to get away from here for a couple days, get out of the pinecone curtain and spend some time with my family and the people that love me. i only have to wait one more week, then i'm driving home. october 10th-12th. i can't wait. it'll be a really short weekend, but so worth it. i'm much happier at whitworth than i was last year, but seriously, something about being here just puts me in a weird mood that i can't explain. maybe it's because i have too much time to think, to contemplate things, my life. maybe it's because i feel like i have to put on a facad all the time that everythings perfect and i love everything about my life and nothing bad ever happens. in a sense, i don't feel like i can completely be myself. not that i want to be around a bunch of unhappy people all the time, but most people here are too happy - like they just pretend like nothing's ever wrong. we all have problems.

i need to just go to bed and pray. i'll wake up tomorrow fresh and new in god's grace.