only two days of class left

you know what i love? i love not having class on fridays. i had a three day week this week. it's simply amazing. tonight we are ordering pizza at 10:00 and watching 300, which i've never seen. i'm pretty pumped.

i am currently obsessed with 'stronger' by kanye...such an amazing song. love it.

i fear i don't have much to report today. my life is pretty boring right now. i fell asleep in class today....and yesterday....and the day before. i hate it. i'm not normally a person to fall asleep in class. the thing is, pretty much everyone is falling asleep, not just me. it is so boring that no matter how hard i try to stay awake, i always end up asleep for at least a couple minutes every day. i feel bad about it, but i don't know what else to do. i've tried everything to stay awake....food, water, texting.

i'm going to a movie tomorrow...but i don't know whether to go see atonement or 27 dresses. opinions? oh, oh, go see cloverfield! it is amazing! after it was over, i was so sick to my stomach that i got dizzy when i stood up. then my hands were literally shaking for about an hour after it ended...my barfy feeling didn't go away before i went to bed that night. i don't know if i could ever watch it on a big screen again, but i definitely recommend it. go. now.

only two days of class left! though i still have a lot of work to do before jan term is over. i have to write a 4-5 page paper before monday...plus two extra credit papers that i'm going to have to write on sunday night...yay. i really need to enjoy my weekend because once sunday comes, it's all over. BUT i get to go home on tuesday, which i can't wait for. for some reason i've really been missing my smushy-faced puggy wiggy lately. and my kitten. and mooky of course. i really can't wait to see them, and sleep in my amazing bed, and be able to drive around, and hopefully go car shopping with my dad :] just like old times. oh man, i'm really needing a break. even though i do have a lot of down time, i really just can't wait to go home and see my parents and pets...just home.

it's been ridiculously cold here lately. i'm pretty sure the last three days it has been 6,7, and 8 degrees when i go to class in the morning. it's a little unreal actually.

ugh. frustration. frustration. frustration. frustration. frustration. i can't stand you.

sorry, just had to get that out.

soo, anyway. i bought almost all of my books for next semester online yesterday...i don't think they are all going to get here in time...it worries me a little. i should have done it earlier, but i didn't. it's good though cause i saved probably 150-200 dollars buying them used online.

i've been trying to find more shows to watch online, now that i've finished re-watching lost and getting caught up on heroes. i watched the gauntlet III on mtv.com today. it was spectacular as usual. then i watched three episodes of rob and big. i forgot how much i love that show...it's so hilarious. i have so much free time right now that it's almost annoying. oh, and i got out of class early today and i was so happy cause i could actually watch ellen! i haven't been able to watch it in forever. it was disappointing though because she didn't have any good guests or anything. i was sad.

wow...i can't believe i actually wrote this much when literally NOTHING has happened since my last blog. this is how bored i am. i write about nothing.

i feel like i'm accomplishing nothing

i start class again tomorrow, after a wonderfully relaxing three day weekend. both saturday and today i slept in past 11, which is just wonderful (luckily i have another three day weekend next weekend...only three days of class this week). i went to two churches on sunday for my music of the christian church class. one of them was a gregorian chant mass at gonzaga...yeah, try and figure that one out. it was insanely awkward and i don't think i would ever choose to go again. i also went to whitworth community presbyterian church which actually wasn't as bad as i remember it being. i think i might go again simply because i have no way of getting to the church that i actually want to go to. oh well. hopefully i will be able to get a car soon and then i can drive myself wherever the heck i want to go.

jan term has gone by so fast. i only have five days of class left which is really weird. i'm glad though, cause i find my class quite boring. i spent almost two hours online today listening to hundereds of songs trying to find one to write my 4-5 page paper on. i really, really don't like the classical music we listen to in class. if it's choral, i can never understand what they are singing, and i just dislike the non-choral stuff we've been listening to. finally i found a piano recording of a bach piece, which was perfect because i could listen to piano all day long.

i feel like these last few weeks have been a waste of time. i spent the afternoons rewatching the third season of lost, then started watching the second season of heroes. plus me and rebecca have been watching the second season of lost at the same time. i do some homework, but it doesn't take too long, which is nice, but i feel like i'm accomplishing nothing, and i hate that feeling.

i have decided that i really want to learn to play guitar. the issue is that even if i were to take lessons here, i have no way of getting a guitar back to school with me...so that plan is kinda shot. even if i were to try and teach myself, i still have no way of getting a guitar back with me. oh well, i guess i will try to do it in the summer or something.

i had a good thing happen today. it was nice. oh, and i rejoiced that the coffee shop was open today...i hadn't had a latte in three days. i think i'm becoming a little addicted to vanilla lattes...it's definitely not good.

why is it that i always feel, hm, what's the word...not quite...there? i feel like i'm always missing the mark. that i try and try and try my hardest and it is never good enough.

i really miss riding...more than anyone will know. i think that even if i could just be with some horses for a few hours a week, i would be a much happier person. too bad this isn't really a possibility right now. once i get a car, i am going to find a barn to either work at or volunteer at, or find some horse to ride. it's been about five months since i've ridden, but it seems like an eternity. who knew it meant so much to me? oh wait, i did. i guess i just thought i would be okay without it for a while, but it's been a lot harder than i thought it was going to be.

my google weather man says it's currently 13 degrees out. yikes! i might freeze over here in spokane. ew. spokane. i can't wait to finish college and move back to beautiful seattle.

sitting alone at a table for 8.

i feel like it's been a while since i've written. it's weird cause this blog basically serves as my journal, though i have to sensor things....and not say everything cause who knows who reads this thing?

i've been pretty happy lately. things are finally starting to look up for me, in more ways than one. my days have been relaxing and restful and i feel like i have good things coming for me. i can't explain it. i've been watching a lot of tv lately....online that is. i just finished re-watching lost season 3 a couple days ago, which was good because i didn't remember anything. i realized today that i had nothing to do after finishing it, so i decided to watch the second season of heroes, which i hadn't started. i'm glad i did, though, because it is amazing!

i have quite a bit of reading to do, and a quiz to study for that is tomorrow morning, but who cares? i've got all night to do that. plus, not that i try not to do my work, but the reading we do is pretty pointless. as long as i skim it and study my notes from lectures, i'm pretty much set for the quizzes. it's really crazy that jan term is already more than half way over. i come home again in 12 days already, but i can't wait. this break will be much more relaxing because no one will be home besides my parents, though i wish my sisters were there too:[ . over christmas break, i felt like i had so many people to hang out with and so much to do that i didn't have time to rest.

my new favorite song is called 'all the same' by sick puppies. you should check it out because it is absolutely amazing. i spent $30 of my $40 worth of itunes gift cards before i came back to school on jan. 6th. i've really enjoyed the music i bought - we the kings, forever the sickest kids, run kid run, and some miscellaneous songs that i've been wanting. i really like all of the albums i bought, but i would really recommend run kid run. i'm in love with it.

it's weird since being back. i've basically had the room to myself which just feels weird. it's kinda lonely sometimes being in the room by myself all day, but i guess at times it's nice. i really can't wait for next semester to start. i think i'm going to like my classes and i've heard that a lot of my professors are really amazing, which will be good. and honestly, nothing can be much worse than core 150 and my painting class. i'm very optimistic right about that.

i'm missing some pretty amazing shows these next two months, well only two in particular. this providence on january 25th (4 days before i come home) and moneta february 9th (4 days after i come back to school). what are the odds of that? i'm basically pissed. i've seen moneta 5 times now, so i'm not AS bummed about that (but still bummed), but i've only seen TP twice, so i'm reallllly sad i'm missing it. AND it's at the showbox, my favie. oh well.

for my jan term class, i am required to visit three different churches and one of them has to be predominantly african american. i went to calvary baptist church on sunday and it was one of the most awkward experiences of my life...not because i was one of about 5 white people in the room, but because it was so weird. they called the visitor's names and made us stand up. and the choir sang 'i believe i can fly.' okay, so when i put it in writing it doesn't sound that weird, but trust me, it was extremely awkward.

i've come to the conclusion that i don't have enough friends, no matter how hard i try. i find that i am ALWAYS the one to initiate things. besides like two people, i don't think anyone else i've ever hung out with has contacted ME to do something. it's just frustrating because people never want to do anything with me. it's not like i'm not likable...not that i'm trying to boast. i don't bite! i don't know what to say. i guess i just wish for once someone would actually act like they wanted to spend time with me. this makes me want to go home. i'm almost always alone, and i hate it. a lot of people have a group of 5 or 6 people they do everything with. i don't have that, and because of this, i find myself eating alone. i often go to lunch at 1:30 because i know that not many people will be there to see me eating alone. it's not like people will judge me for it; people are really nice here, but i just feel like a loner when i have to sit at a table for 8 all by myself. sometimes i just eat a bagel and cream cheese in my room. i can't wait to go home.

my life would be so much better if whitworth was just in seattle. ugh. oh, and it seems that in order to ride the horse i went to visit back in october, i will need my own ride over there. awesome. just awesome. i hate that i get my hopes up about things like this, and then when it doesn't work (cause nothing ever does), i get really sad.

well, i have to go get ready to head to dinner with rebecca and jared. once again, my idea, not theirs. oh well, it's better than eating alone i suppose.

the other person just looks at you like, "wtf"?

i'm back in my cramped little corner in my dorm room, with too much extra time on my hands. i'm pretty sure i have watched about 12 episodes of lost in three days. i am re-watching season three in preparation for the premiere of season 4 on january 31st. the show is so complex that you forget everything after a year, so i definitely required a refresher....and i had definitely forgotten a lot of stuff.

i'm really bummed right now. something that i thought was going to work out seems like it's not going to work out any more. i just hate that i get my hopes up about things. i wish i wouldn't because i seem to always get let down. without even realizing it, i let my mind run wild with wishes and fantasies and things that i know will probably never happen. oh well, i guess that's what i get. okay...so i'm kind of shaking right now because randomly two guys came barging into my room with their chests painted red and their faced painted black. i knew one of them, but it just scared the crap out of me cause it was so sudden....though i think they felt bad and awkward because i didn't really say anything, haha. oh well....guys shouldn't come barging into girls' rooms without knocking, haha. maybe i should keep my door locked when i am in my room...

anyway, like i was saying...i let my imagination run wild, and i really just need to get a rope and lasso in back into control.

ugh. i hate awkward situations. you know those times when you just don't know what to say, so you say something dumb, and the other person just looks at you like, "wtf"? that happens to me all the time, and i hate it. it's not like i'm anti-social, in fact, it's quite the opposite. i guess it's probably due to the fact that i am shy...or maybe it's the reason i'm shy. blah. i hate it.

the clouds finally stopped dropping snow after about three days straight without ceasing. it's wonderful. only now, the slush melts during the day and freezes over on the walkways, making it near impossible to go anywhere around campus. i don't know what's worse - having to wear boots all the time cause of the snow, or walking in slush and slippery ice. oh, how i miss the mildness of seattle weather.

the class i'm taking right now is pretty good. only, for some reason, i can't stay awake in it. i want to. i really want to, but i keep finding myself nodding off. the class is music of the christian church, and it's pretty interesting. when we sing and stuff i am able to stay awake, but any time he starts playing music, it puts me to sleep like a baby. and...my prof's lectures aren't the most exciting thing in the world. it is an interesting subject and i really want to learn about it and pay attention but no matter what i do, i can't seem to stay awake the entire class. oh well, so far it seems to be pretty easy, and it fulfills the fine arts requirement.

i might be going to p.f. changs for emilie's birthday dinner tomorrow. i am extremely excited. i love p.f. changs. a lot.

yes! the seahawks playoff game against green bay. we better win, or i will be very disappointed. the last game was sooo intense. i will definitely be praying for favor :]

i have recently become a little obsessed with Run Kid Run. i bought their album on itunes before i left to come back to school after break. i had been wanting it for a while, and finally went and bought it. their are definitely one of my new favies. i found out that they are going to be coming to spokane with hawk nelson in march. they're playing at the service station, a venue really close to whitworth. i am soooooooo excited.

i'm afraid there isn't much going on in my boring, little life right now. i changed the sheets on my bed from teal to white. exciting, isn't it? i have also become a little addicted to grande vanilla lattes. eek. i have had one every day for the last five days. oh well, it's better than drugs or alcohol, i suppose!

well, i think i am actually going to go dye my hair now. i bought 'dark chocolate' instead of 'soft black'. we'll see what i think of it. the only reason i'm dying it again is because my roots are growing out. no one else can see them, but i can see them, and it's going to bug me until i fix it...just another reason why i think i am at least partially OCD. you should have seen my making my bed today...the sheets had to be perfectly straight and even. not that the world wide web needs to know this information.

peace.

new year's resolutions/goals

so i don't normally make new year's resolutions or goals, but for some reason i felt compelled to do it this year. maybe it's because i feel like my life is really screwed up and i think that by making goals, my life will get better or things will improve. or maybe it's because i'm in college now so i feel like i need to grow up. not that all adults make new years resolutions, cause they don't. i guess there's just been A LOT of changes in my life in the last few months and they require some new self goals and standards and what not. anyway, here's a list of 25 things (some large, some quite small) that i hope to do this year.

1. make more friends.
2. get a 4.0 for the semester....meaning study harder.
3. follow my bible reading plan.
4. train a horse/ride in the summer.
5. get a car.
6. get a job.
7. get a real emo hair cut/crazy coloring.
8. talk to all of my friends on a more regular basis.
9. learn guitar.
10. develop more self control.
11. read for enjoyment.
12. make aquaintance with more local bands.
13. drink less coffee.
14. learn how to be confident.
15. keep up on piano.
16. do my laundery more often.
17. go to more, more, more shows.
18. get rid of old stuff i don't need or use any more.
19. do community service....help people.
20. do some paintings of things i actually want to paint.
21. take more pictures.
22. pray for everything.
23. save money.
24. forgive and forget.
25. journal more.