i feel like i'm accomplishing nothing

i start class again tomorrow, after a wonderfully relaxing three day weekend. both saturday and today i slept in past 11, which is just wonderful (luckily i have another three day weekend next weekend...only three days of class this week). i went to two churches on sunday for my music of the christian church class. one of them was a gregorian chant mass at gonzaga...yeah, try and figure that one out. it was insanely awkward and i don't think i would ever choose to go again. i also went to whitworth community presbyterian church which actually wasn't as bad as i remember it being. i think i might go again simply because i have no way of getting to the church that i actually want to go to. oh well. hopefully i will be able to get a car soon and then i can drive myself wherever the heck i want to go.

jan term has gone by so fast. i only have five days of class left which is really weird. i'm glad though, cause i find my class quite boring. i spent almost two hours online today listening to hundereds of songs trying to find one to write my 4-5 page paper on. i really, really don't like the classical music we listen to in class. if it's choral, i can never understand what they are singing, and i just dislike the non-choral stuff we've been listening to. finally i found a piano recording of a bach piece, which was perfect because i could listen to piano all day long.

i feel like these last few weeks have been a waste of time. i spent the afternoons rewatching the third season of lost, then started watching the second season of heroes. plus me and rebecca have been watching the second season of lost at the same time. i do some homework, but it doesn't take too long, which is nice, but i feel like i'm accomplishing nothing, and i hate that feeling.

i have decided that i really want to learn to play guitar. the issue is that even if i were to take lessons here, i have no way of getting a guitar back to school with me...so that plan is kinda shot. even if i were to try and teach myself, i still have no way of getting a guitar back with me. oh well, i guess i will try to do it in the summer or something.

i had a good thing happen today. it was nice. oh, and i rejoiced that the coffee shop was open today...i hadn't had a latte in three days. i think i'm becoming a little addicted to vanilla lattes...it's definitely not good.

why is it that i always feel, hm, what's the word...not quite...there? i feel like i'm always missing the mark. that i try and try and try my hardest and it is never good enough.

i really miss riding...more than anyone will know. i think that even if i could just be with some horses for a few hours a week, i would be a much happier person. too bad this isn't really a possibility right now. once i get a car, i am going to find a barn to either work at or volunteer at, or find some horse to ride. it's been about five months since i've ridden, but it seems like an eternity. who knew it meant so much to me? oh wait, i did. i guess i just thought i would be okay without it for a while, but it's been a lot harder than i thought it was going to be.

my google weather man says it's currently 13 degrees out. yikes! i might freeze over here in spokane. ew. spokane. i can't wait to finish college and move back to beautiful seattle.