a good attitude and high expectations.

summer is winding down and i feel like i've accomplished nothing. nothing at all. my plan of saving all of my earned money has been squashed by a little company called starbucks and a little addiction i have to live music. granted, i still saved a good chunk of my money, but not nearly as much as i needed to. oh well, i can't help that now. warped tour definitely put a dent in my bank account...$40 for the ticket, $25 for gas, $15 for dinner, $10 for merch, etc, etc. oh well. i had such a good time and i got to see a ton of amazing bands. although, i did get a very, very intense sunburn on my back and shoulders. i just stopped peeling a couple days ago. it was really quite sick, actually. this summer has been chalk full of good concerts, so i can't really complain. i saw moneta twice, holyfield twice, classic crime twice, new heights, summit avenue, dressed to kill, burning tree project, theme for murder, bank, barcelona, the maine, metro station, boys like girls, good charlotte, mayday parade, we the kings, all time low, automatic loveletter, and relient k [at least i think that's all]. wow. that's a lot more than i realized, though a few were lumped together at warped. my summer has seemed uneventful at best, but at least i got to see most of my favorite bands before heading off to my personal hell called spokane. okay, i guess that's an overstatement. i don't hate whitworth, not at all. in fact, the campus is very calming. i just hate spokane. i can't explain it really, i mean there are a bunch of concert venues, there are multiple starbucks' and two large malls. i really shouldn't complain, but i can' stop.

the idea of going back to school is so unexplainable for me. i'm torn in so many ways i can't even handle it. on the one hand, i am so ready to be busy again, to study, to go to class, to do homework even. i never thought i'd say that. but on the other hand, i don't want to deal with waking up every day and putting on my happy face for class. i just feel like at whitworth, everyone is happy all the time - like i'm not allowed to have a bad day, like it's not okay to be upset about anything. sometimes i'm not myself when i'm there, and i don't like being places that make me act like something i'm not. on one hand, i'm excited to move into ballard - a completely different dorm than last year. i'm excited to meet the girls on my hall. i'm excited to room with emilie, since it feels like we're totally on the same page as far as how to lay out our room and how we intend to live together. but, on the other hand, i am nervous to leave the security of my own room, my santuary. i spend a large [probably unhealthy] amount of time in my room at home. for some reason, the singularity keeps me sane. obviously i don't spend all day alone all locked up, but it's nice to have a place to escape where i can't be bothered.

my biggest worry about returning to school has nothing to do with anything previously mentioned, and that is my fear of being alone. last year was really rough for me in that department. i could easily count my friends on one hand, most of whom i rarely saw. i ate most meals alone. rarely i'd eat with one other person, but those days were few and far between. i have high hopes that this year will be different, but i also felt hopeful last year, and see how that turned out. maybe last year was just some type of freshman curse. i am going to go into this year with a good attitude and high expectations. maybe living in a different dorm will help. hopefully.

i got my lip pierced on monday. finally. i've been thinking about doing it for months and months now. i went to slave to the needle in ballard and they were awesome. it made me feel slightly better because they were super nice. i was so nervous to do it. it was much more intense than butterflies in my stomach...it was more like a raging dance party in my stomach. the guy doing it was super relaxed which helped calm my nerves a little. when i asked him how bad it would hurt, he said that biting your tongue was worse. wow. i could hardly believe that. i held my sister's hand in both of mine as she watched. i took a deep breath, exhaled, and in went the needle. it did not hurt nearly as bad as i was expecting. i mean, i obviously felt it, but it wasn't anywhere near the pain of fracturing my thumb in six places and dislodging it from the socket. it was over quite quickly, which helped. before i knew it, my lip had a cute little rhinestone in it. the rest of the day was weird. i kept waiting for the pain to come, like i knew it would. but, it never came. it was almost like my lip around the piercing was completely numb. even when the stud would stick out and move in the hole, i couldn't hardly feel it. me and rachel met our parents for lunch [which i didn't eat...i wasn't quite ready to eat just one hour after getting pierced] and then shopped around northgate for a few hours. i've had the piercing now for three days. it is the most sore today, but still nothing unbearable. it's not swollen or red. i've been taking care of it. in fact, that reminds me, i need to soak it in salt water before i go to bed tonight. the hardest part is just getting used to having it in my mouth...especially in things like smiling and eating, haha. i find that i can't speak quite normally yet. it feels weird to have something against my teeth. i'm slowly getting used to it though. people probably think i am just a gimp and can't talk like a normal person. oh well. i will get used to it soon.