it seems as if the world won't let me forget

today has just been one of those days for me. one of those days where you just want to punch the world in the face for making you it's bitch. one of those days where everything seems to just miss the mark, and you're constantly waiting for the bulls eye. god. is that a weird analogy?

this year has been interesting, to say the least. i can't seem to forget about a certain thing, and it seems as if the world won't let me forget. i try not to think about it, to get over it, to realize nothing is going to come of it, and then the next day it's in my face again. how am i supposed to handle that? i pray about it. "god, please just take it away and help me ignore it" and then the next day, there it is! it's a little frustrating.

i love the holidays. the decorations bring joy to my heart when i see them, and i think about the wonderful times i get to spend with family and friends (and away from school and spokane). i think this year though, i've started to realize more how much i hate being single, and the holiday cheer is simply accentuating that feeling. i hear all these stupid songs about "i'll be home for christmas," "all i want for christmas is you," blah, blah, blah. those songs are great and meaningful and sweet if you have a loved one, but just rub in your loneliness when you're single. i'm at a weird point in my life. for so long i didn't even really have a desire to have a guy in my life. i was perfectly content being single and basking it all its glory. unlike a lot of girls, i don't need a man to validate myself in any way, i just desire to have that closeness with someone - an emotional connection, if you will.

enough about this mushy crap. ugh.

i get to go home in 8 days, since technically, it's already tuesday. i have quite a bit of stuff that has to get done before finals are over. i have about four papers to write, a big project for design that i have to finish, and of course four final exams. i'm not stressing too much, and my finals are much less intense than last year. plus, i lucked out and i get to leave on wednesday since i don't have any finals on thursday or friday. it'll be nice to be home and not have to think about school at all for a little while.

it hasn't snowed yet since i've been at school (it did during thanksgiving break, which i missed, thank God). in all actuality, it's kind of miraculous that i haven't had to deal with the snow. and then i'll be in new york and DC during january, so i'll miss pretty much that entire month.

i'm so done with this bad day i've had. i'm looking forward to starting a brand new one tomorrow.