his name is carlisle, and he is a betta fish.

i started classes today. i had design 1, core 250, and principles of microeconomics. i think they're all going to be pretty good. design should be relatively relaxing, and there isn't too much homework. there's a little reading every night and some questions, but it's not horrible. core 250 is going to be soo good. i'm really looking forward to it, and i've heard that it's exponentially better than 150, which i hated. i really like all the lecturing profs for 250, so it should be a really good class. plus, i know a ton of people in it. econ should be alright. :] economics are not something i'm dying get lectured on, but it looks like we're going to be talking about politics and the election and stuff, which should be really interesting and give me more insight to the policies of the candidates, though i'm pretty decidedly voting for Obama. it will take a lot to convince me to vote otherwise. i just really don't like who McCain chose for a running mate...enough to convince me to not vote for him. if she ever had to take over for him for any reason, she would be horrible. plus, i was all for obama from the beginning.

it feels weird being back at school. it's almost like i never left. my room is pretty sweet. i think i'm going to really like living in ballard. my room is probably about the same size as last year, but the ceilings are taller, and i can move all the furniture, so there are a lot more configurations we can use. though, for some reason, i am pretty much always cold in my room...we are in the basement, but emilie is not cold. hopefully i'm not sick or anything. i am pretty sure i'm not, i just like being warm in my room...and i shouldn't have to put a blanket over me in order for that to happen, especially when it's warm outside like it is right now. i shudder to think what it will be like in the winter. brr.

i got a new friend yesterday. his name is carlisle, and he is a betta fish. he's very cute and he swims around his bowl a lot more than most bettas. he also likes to swim in and out of the fake grass in the bowl. he's very cute. we're going to be best friends.

i already have homework to do. ugh. i miss the days of high school where the only assignment for the first entire week is to sign the stupid syllabus. but no, i have to jump right in! i already have to read a chapter for econ, a chapter for design [plus answer two pages of questions about the reading], and reading for core 250 and a reading response. ughhhh. the year is starting off with a bang.

nasty, ugly, creeper town, nothing-to-do spokompton.

it's saturday at 3:20 pm. i leave tomorrow morning at 11ish to head back to spokompton and start another year of school. it hasn't really sunk in yet that it's happening...right now. it doesn't feel like a whole year has gone by. it feels like just yesterday that i was packing to go to my first year of college. the anticipation was insane and i was so nervous about making friends and meeting so many new people. not to mention, i absolutely loath get-to-know-you activities. luckily, i won't have too many to go to this year, since i'm not a freshman any more! weird. unfortunately, going to back to school means leaving beautiful seattle and returning to nasty, ugly, creeper town, nothing-to-do spokompton. sounds like a blasty blast. but, i am really excited for my room....ballard basement! i'm pumped.

i'm heartbroken in every sense of the word. stephenie meyer's rough draft of midnight sun got leaked on the internet. she wasn't even half way finished. now, she's decided that she's putting it on hold indefinitely. i am crushed. i was sooooo looking forward to reading twilight from edward's perspective. she at least posted the draft on her website, and it's about 265 pages, which is still a lot, but it's not the whole book. it's not finished. i'm sad that some stupid person had to go ruin this for everyone, including stephenie. i respect her decision since this incident hurt her so badly, but she's going to have a LOT of really, really, really disappointed twilighters. i hope that in a couple months [or however long it may take] she will change her mind and finish writing it and publish it so we can all truly enjoy it. it just sucks because the actions of one person have ruined it for everyone. i'm really sad.

so enough about that sadness. i'm pretty much having a panic attack inside right now. i'm not completely done packing and i'm stressing out pretty bad. my room is like a death trap right now with all sorts of rubber made containers and crap strewn every where. i leave tomorrow and i'm not ready. i'm not ready to face everyone at school, to be around the constant 'happy' all the time. ugh, and no cable, which means i won't be able to watch project runway! i'm hecka pissed about that. plus, i'm definitely going to miss my pups. though, i've already said goodbye to a bunch of people, and it hasn't been as hard as it was last year, or as hard as i was expecting it to be, which is good. i think this is the first time that i haven't cried when saying goodbye to my sister. i'm getting better, i guess. i probably should get back to packing, since i just revealed that i'm stressing out about it...

a good attitude and high expectations.

summer is winding down and i feel like i've accomplished nothing. nothing at all. my plan of saving all of my earned money has been squashed by a little company called starbucks and a little addiction i have to live music. granted, i still saved a good chunk of my money, but not nearly as much as i needed to. oh well, i can't help that now. warped tour definitely put a dent in my bank account...$40 for the ticket, $25 for gas, $15 for dinner, $10 for merch, etc, etc. oh well. i had such a good time and i got to see a ton of amazing bands. although, i did get a very, very intense sunburn on my back and shoulders. i just stopped peeling a couple days ago. it was really quite sick, actually. this summer has been chalk full of good concerts, so i can't really complain. i saw moneta twice, holyfield twice, classic crime twice, new heights, summit avenue, dressed to kill, burning tree project, theme for murder, bank, barcelona, the maine, metro station, boys like girls, good charlotte, mayday parade, we the kings, all time low, automatic loveletter, and relient k [at least i think that's all]. wow. that's a lot more than i realized, though a few were lumped together at warped. my summer has seemed uneventful at best, but at least i got to see most of my favorite bands before heading off to my personal hell called spokane. okay, i guess that's an overstatement. i don't hate whitworth, not at all. in fact, the campus is very calming. i just hate spokane. i can't explain it really, i mean there are a bunch of concert venues, there are multiple starbucks' and two large malls. i really shouldn't complain, but i can' stop.

the idea of going back to school is so unexplainable for me. i'm torn in so many ways i can't even handle it. on the one hand, i am so ready to be busy again, to study, to go to class, to do homework even. i never thought i'd say that. but on the other hand, i don't want to deal with waking up every day and putting on my happy face for class. i just feel like at whitworth, everyone is happy all the time - like i'm not allowed to have a bad day, like it's not okay to be upset about anything. sometimes i'm not myself when i'm there, and i don't like being places that make me act like something i'm not. on one hand, i'm excited to move into ballard - a completely different dorm than last year. i'm excited to meet the girls on my hall. i'm excited to room with emilie, since it feels like we're totally on the same page as far as how to lay out our room and how we intend to live together. but, on the other hand, i am nervous to leave the security of my own room, my santuary. i spend a large [probably unhealthy] amount of time in my room at home. for some reason, the singularity keeps me sane. obviously i don't spend all day alone all locked up, but it's nice to have a place to escape where i can't be bothered.

my biggest worry about returning to school has nothing to do with anything previously mentioned, and that is my fear of being alone. last year was really rough for me in that department. i could easily count my friends on one hand, most of whom i rarely saw. i ate most meals alone. rarely i'd eat with one other person, but those days were few and far between. i have high hopes that this year will be different, but i also felt hopeful last year, and see how that turned out. maybe last year was just some type of freshman curse. i am going to go into this year with a good attitude and high expectations. maybe living in a different dorm will help. hopefully.

i got my lip pierced on monday. finally. i've been thinking about doing it for months and months now. i went to slave to the needle in ballard and they were awesome. it made me feel slightly better because they were super nice. i was so nervous to do it. it was much more intense than butterflies in my stomach...it was more like a raging dance party in my stomach. the guy doing it was super relaxed which helped calm my nerves a little. when i asked him how bad it would hurt, he said that biting your tongue was worse. wow. i could hardly believe that. i held my sister's hand in both of mine as she watched. i took a deep breath, exhaled, and in went the needle. it did not hurt nearly as bad as i was expecting. i mean, i obviously felt it, but it wasn't anywhere near the pain of fracturing my thumb in six places and dislodging it from the socket. it was over quite quickly, which helped. before i knew it, my lip had a cute little rhinestone in it. the rest of the day was weird. i kept waiting for the pain to come, like i knew it would. but, it never came. it was almost like my lip around the piercing was completely numb. even when the stud would stick out and move in the hole, i couldn't hardly feel it. me and rachel met our parents for lunch [which i didn't eat...i wasn't quite ready to eat just one hour after getting pierced] and then shopped around northgate for a few hours. i've had the piercing now for three days. it is the most sore today, but still nothing unbearable. it's not swollen or red. i've been taking care of it. in fact, that reminds me, i need to soak it in salt water before i go to bed tonight. the hardest part is just getting used to having it in my mouth...especially in things like smiling and eating, haha. i find that i can't speak quite normally yet. it feels weird to have something against my teeth. i'm slowly getting used to it though. people probably think i am just a gimp and can't talk like a normal person. oh well. i will get used to it soon.

ohh, that name, edward cullen.

the twilight saga is the greatest series i've ever read. there should be a warning label on the cover that states something along the lines of "more addictive than crack cocaine." it would be impossibly true. in a matter of a little over one week, i read twilight, new moon, eclipse, and breaking dawn. pretty much all of my free time was devoted to reading, including all of my breaks at work. many nights i found myself awake until three in the morning because i could not force myself to stop reading, to put it down. it was impossible to turn the page and not keep reading. it really is like a drug. it's been really nice to have something to distract myself from my own life, this summer. i had such high hopes for the summer, and they just sort of fizzled out to nothing. this past week has been the best of my entire summer. i can't even put into words why twilight is so amazing, it's something you have to experience. i thought that i could never be more obsessed with any series more than i was with harry potter, but i've met my match. it's getting to the point where the obsession is almost unhealthy....no, it's definitely unhealthy, but i don't care. i hate that i came across the series so late in the game, after the fourth and final book was already written. the amazingness came into my life and a week later, it's over. luckily, stephanie meyer is writing another novel called midnight sun, that retells the twilight story from edward cullen's perspective. ohh, that name, edward cullen. before i read twilight, i did not understand the obsession with him, i could not comprehend. after reading the first book of the series, i understand, and i am completely and utterly taken by the character. despite his being a vampire, he's pretty much the perfect man. plus, he doesn't seem much like a vampire because he's a 'vegetarian' and so is the rest of his family. i honestly think that every boy on the planet needs to read the series and learn. he's just so in love, and he knows how to show it. seriously, it's bad how in love i am with a fictional character. aaaand, the movie comes out november 21st [previously the release date for HP 6, which was moved to summer 2009] which will only make my obsession worse than it currently is. oh well. everyone on the face of the earth should have the pleasure of reading twilight.

i go back to school in exactly sixteen days. ugh. i have such mixed feelings about that right now. i'm ready to go back to school, to learn, to study. i am, however, not ready to go back to living in spokane, the nasty city it is. that sounded kind of derogatory...but i really do hate it. a lot. the downtown area where there is a big mall is kind of a nice area, but i just feel really unsafe in spokane. there's more crime there, at least it feels like it. i know there are creepers in seattle too, as there are every where, but i don't feel unsafe simply walking down the street in downtown seattle. i always feel on edge walking around spokompton. there's a reason people call it spokompton, after all. i guess i should at least be happy that it's a big city, and not some place way out in the boonies like pullman or something. blah. i don't know. at least my classes this semester should be good. i'm excited for them. and there at least a few people that i'm excited to see, despite my utter lack of friends.

i started jumping for joy around my room the other day. i just couldn't contain myself. i discovered, that this providence and a rocket to the moon are going to be coming to spokane on september 20th at the big dipper, which is a really small all ages venue. i've never been there, but they just reopened it, and it is supposedly ridiculously tiny, which will make it soooo much fun. i absolutely love both of those bands and i was sad that i wasn't going to be able to see TP for a really long time. i'm so happy. plus, it's the day after barcelona plays another free show at whitworth. not that i want to take all the credit for getting them to come play last year...but it was kinda my doing...considering i was the one that recommended them to Vi, the activities coordinator and gave their manager her name and email. apparently the show was such a hit that whitworth is bringing them back again this year. i feel so proud of my accomplishment, hahaha. and so modest too.

i have a headache, and i just realized why. i haven't been wearing my glasses all day and i've been staring at the computer screen for at least two hours now. actually, i've been squinting at the computer screen for two hours. sometimes i forget that i have horrible eyesight. i guess i should stop frying my brain now and get some sleep. i have my last day of work tomorrow. at least, as of right now, it's my last scheduled shift, and i'm going to put my two weeks in tomorrow, which i should have done at least a week ago. oh well. it's my own fault. they can't really force me to work, since i pick my own shifts. plus, i'm most likely going to get my lip pierced tomorrow night as a celebration, haha, so they wouldn't want me working anyway, since i'm not allowed to have any piercings besides ears...so ridiculous.

good night, loves.

something to feel a part of.

so much has happened. i went to holyfield's last show on july 22nd. i'm not gonna lie, i actually started tearing up when tony said it was going to be their last song. i just didn't want it to end. i think overall, that band meant more to me than any other. i don't know if i'd go so far as to say that they changed my life because i'd probably sound a little too obsessed. but really, they kind of did. about three years ago, they were the first local 'emo' band that i saw. [which really i can owe to barcelona because the first time i saw them was with barcelona]. immediately, i was hooked. because of holyfield/tysen, i started to go to more shows and get more involved in the local music scene. it gave me something...something...something to feel a part of. it made me feel like i was a part of something really awesome, that not many people knew about. most of the local bands whose shows i frequent are much better than a lot of the crap you hear on the radio. these bands deserve to be heard. they deserve to have fans. plus, they all have a passion for music. most local bands don't make enough money to do it for a living. they do it because they love to play music, and i love to listen to it. there's just something about being smashed in with hundreds of people who have the same interests as you. it brings people together for a common cause. plus, most bands are super nice to their fans and really want to meet all of them. i'm extremely sad to see holyfield break up, but there are others. some will fade, and more will emerge. people probably think it's lame to get all emotional over some band, but to me, they weren't just a band. they represent so much more - a change in my life. i've found something that i can't live without. and for that, i'll be forever grateful. not to mention, i've decided that i really want to work for a record label some day doing marketing, graphic design, or web design type stuff. i want to be involved in the industry.

[unfinished]

shafted in a sense.

this summer has not been what i was hoping for, and i only have about a month left. i have gone to a few really good concerts, and i have some more good ones coming up (like tomorrow...the classic crime, moneta, holyfield, and new heights!). i guess i just feel like i've been shafted in a sense. some people that i thought i would be hanging out with, i haven't seen hardly at all. i feel like i am everyone's last priority, like no one wants to see me. trying to arrange anything is like pulling teeth, and it shouldn't have to be like that. i've barely done anything fun. i'm just working and then on my days off, i sit at home doing nothing. i hate it. part of me really wants to go back to school right now, but then i think back to last year and how lonely i was all the time. i'm afraid that i'm setting my expectations for next year way too high. i keep telling myself that i'm going to make all of these new friends this year, and i try to convince myself that it won't turn out like last year. i just don't know what i can do differently to change it. i tried so frickin hard to make friends last year, but to no avail. my whole situation is just really frustrating. i thought that at least when i came home for the summer, my old friends would want to see me and spend time with me. i've barely seen any of them. i just don't know.

there's no way that's urine.

this has been a spectacular week. i got to see one of my favorite bands, the maine, on monday night. they were playing at showbox sodo with boys like girls, good charlotte and metro station. all of the bands were really good. i really didn't even want to see good charlotte. i know a few of their songs, but i just thought they were so overrated. they put on such an amazing show and got the crowd so loud it was unbelievable. metro station was also very good, which was unexpected. and boys like girls were wonderful...so many screaming girls, but still wonderful. obviously, my favorite was the maine. they are so amazing live i can't even describe. the pit was insanity....so many bodies all mashed in together, body parts everywhere. plus, there was this creeper [probably a straight up pedophile or convicted sex offender] standing right in front of me before the show started. he was standing there all alone, a book in his back pocket, listening to an ipod, with a baseball cap on. he was probably in his late 50's. me and emilie were listening to metro station on my ipod while waiting for the show to start. he kept looking back at me and finally mumbled something to me. i couldn't understand so i said "what?" and he repeated "i'll show you my playlist if you show me yours..." i was so creeped out that i just looked away and didn't respond. when i didn't respond, he's like "are you interested?" so i just said "we're listening to metro station, okay? it's metro station." it was so awkward...like we were legitimately creeped out by it. i told emilie that as soon as the show started, we would jump/mosh our way away from him, which we did. the maine came out and everyone started screaming. i think it was mostly just the hype of the concert starting, because not that many people were singing along or seemed to really know the songs. the crowd was absolutely insane. i almost got pushed over like five times. it was just a messy sweatfest in the pit. we left it after the maine played cause we were hecka sweaty. we got some drinks and hung out in the back. metro station played next, then good charlotte. while good charlotte played, we were standing behind this one dude who was totally spazzing out the whole time. no one else around us was moving, except for him. i actually took a video of it because it was so hilarious. we bought some merch before boys like girls came on. i bought a shirt and emilie bought two. boys like girls played last, and they were really good. they were better than i thought they'd be, but they didn't do an encore which i thought was odd. we waited around inside for a while because we thought the maine would come hang out by their merch table after the show. there was a group of about thirty girls just standing around waiting for them. when we were giving up and just going to leave because we were being kicked out, i overheard their merch guy tell another girl that the guys were talking outside. we had waited in the venue for half an hour while they were outside. awesome. when we finally got out the door, we saw five clumps of girls....which we knew were around the five band members, haha. we talked to pat first, and that was fun. he signed our shirts and we got pictures. he's just so cute, you want to pinch his cheeks, haha. he was really nice. then we talked to jared. i told him how much i love the new album, and he said he was glad, haha. then we moved on to kennedy, because there wasn't really anyone around him. he was super nice just like last time. then we went to garrett. when we went over to him, there was a girl and her mom talking to him and getting autographs. when they started to walk away, the mom was still talking to him, and the girl started screaming "mom! just stop talking, just stop talking!" then she buried her head in her hands haha. garrett turned to us and he's like "i don' t know why people get so embarrassed, i'd want my mom to talk to people!" we talked about that for a couple minutes. in the mean time, that girl had run away at full speed. we all started cracking up. it was sooo hilarious. then we went to talk to john, who had the biggest circle of people around him. we ended up just hanging out there for like twenty minutes because we wanted the circle of people to get smaller, which it never really did. but, while we were standing there talking with him and a bunch of other girls, we all realized that we were standing in urine. john's like "there's no way that's urine...there's no way." the maine's trailer was right behind us and behind the trailer was the tour bus for one of the other bands. apparently, they had just dumped their toilet on the street, and we were standing in it. obviously we all moved. the joke for the rest of the night was that john had peed his pants hardcore. it was pretty funny, but it stunk so bad! we finally got a chance to talk to him and while he was signing my shirt, i was like "i have a question for you..." and he's like "yeah? whats up?" so i asked him what eighty-one twenty-three is. it's in their song called 'we all roll along' and i had listened to it over and over and had no idea what eighty-one twenty-three was. apparently it was an old parking garage where he and his friends hung out a lot. they'd go up to the top of it and just chill. we got pictures, talked a little more, and then we peaced out of there. by the time we left, we had been hanging around after the concert ended for an hour and a half. but it was soo much fun. it wasn't fun waking up to go to work the next day, but it was so worth it.

i love going to shows. emilie put it so perfectly while we were driving home. she said that it gives you a high, without actually doing anything. and that is exactly what it is. i always just feel amazing after leaving a show, whether it be bands that i love, bands that i just kinda like, local bands, hugely popular bands, whatever. and i think this is why so many kids go to shows all the time. for a few hours you can enter the venue and forget everything outside. it takes you to a whole other world where your problems no longer exist, a world where everything is fine, and everyone gets along. that's another thing i love - that you automatically have something in common with every person in the room - a love for the same music. and, people aren't judgemental. you can wear whatever the heck you want and dance around the a buffoon and no one would think less of you.

i went to see the dark knight at midnight at bella botega last night with my sisters. it was like a mad house. there were so many people. it was unreal. not to mention i saw like eight thousand people i know. okay, so that's an exaggeration, but i saw a lot. plus, i saw two of the guys from moneta, so that was weird. the movie was awesome. like, seriously one of the best movies i've seen in a long time. it definitely, definitely surpassed the awesomeness of batman begins. heath ledger was insane...you almost can't tell that it's him. christian bale is always amazing. it was just a really good movie.

works been going alright. i haven't been working as much as i'd like because there aren't enough shifts for all of the divisional employees, which is a little annoying. i got to work in children's on wednesday, so that was good. i'm making some good money still, which is really nice. it's weird to think that i will only be working there for about another month. it's insane to me that i go back to school in less than six weeks. i do really honestly want to go back though. i'm really excited for my classes this semester, and i'm excited to live in a new dorm and meet some more new people.

now that i've been working, i've realized something about myself. i noticed that i can usually tell in about five minutes if i'm going to get along with someone or not. there's one person that i've only worked with a couple times, and i can already tell that this is someone that i don't want to be around. i'm always nice to people, even if i don't like them, but i would never be friends with this guy. he acts like he knows everything and that everyone else is scum. he looks down on everyone else and boasts about how much he sells. it's really annoying. i kinda can't stand him. luckily, i rarely work in the department he's in. i don't know, i wouldn't say it's like a 'sixth sense' or anything, i think i'm just really intuitive about people. though sometimes, this makes it difficult to have to work with people.