it's christmas time, which just makes everything jolly.

i regret that i have been neglecting this blog. to the point that if it were a dog, it would be extremely emaciated by now. that's not morbid at all, huh?

the snow has finally come, along with the cold weather. yesterday is was 19 degrees and we had about four inches of snow. right now it is about 25 and snowing. i must say that i am getting accustomed to this absolutely freezing weather. it's not as unbearable as i thought it would be (though wait until it's below zero, and my feelings will probably change). the white snow on the dark evergreen trees is one of the most beautiful things. it's as if a while blanket is covering the ground. god is so amazing to have created such a place.

finals are looming. it's a scary thought. all of my midterms were spread out over a period of about two weeks, and my finals are going to take place within two days. i don't really know how i'm going to handle that. but...i get to go home in 14 days from today. yes. that's all i have to say.

there are so many fun things i am going to do while i am home. like going to see moneta and holyfield on december 22nd. i don't know who i am going with, but i am going, i don't even care. and i hoping that i will be able to ride with my friend rachel (who i used to teach lessons with) when i am home too. and of course, it is christmas time, which just makes everything jolly.

i have so much to get done before i get home, which has kinda been stressing me out, but i'm starting to feel a little bit better. i'm just trying to take one day at a time and plan ahead so i'm not left with a huge pile of work during finals week.

back to work, kiddies.

soapbox on dating and relationships

things are not going well right now. there is a ridiculous amount of crap that has been occurring lately, and i can't get away from it. some how the drama just seems to be following me. i'm really annoyed because college is a time for people to grow up and learn how to deal with issues like adults. honestly, there is about five times the amount of drama here as i had to deal with back home, which pisses me off. people are turning out to not be the people i thought they were. i'm finding things out about people that i did not know before, and they aren't always good things.

time for a soapbox on dating and relationships. ready?

I feel like I have a much deeper expectation for what a relationship should be, what it should be like, and reasons for having a relationship, than many people I know. My youth group was against high school and junior high relationships (not that they wouldn't accept you if you did have them), believing them to be unnecessary and distracting to one's budding relationship with God. At first, I did not understand this belief, I thought it to be absurd and ridiculous. But when I learned more, I began to understand and agree. A "relationship" should be for the purpose of finding out if someone is right for you, the person you are meant to be with. It should not be something you do because it makes you feel good. Of course being liked would make anyone feel good. Knowing you are desirable to someone of the opposite sex is something everyone wants. I am NOT ashamed to admit that I have never been in a relationship...not to mention (obviously) that I have never been kissed. Why should I waste my time in a relationship with someone, just because of my own desires, and selfish ones at that? I don't see the purpose of having a 'significant other' if I know there is absolutely no possibility of them being 'the one'.

I don't understand the draw of having a boyfriend just to have one. I recently told someone (who asked me if I plan to have a boyfriend in college this year) that if the right person comes along, then yes, I will have a relationship. I won't enter into a relationship because it is fun, because it is enjoyable, because it's nice to cuddle or hold hands, because it's nice to have someone enjoy my company, or because they like me. I don't see the point. One's desires can make them think they like someone, when the truth is that they like to be liked.
Being at a christian school, it is encouraging to know that the majority of the guys here are christians, but the fact is, many or most of them probably do not share the same views on relationships as I do. Some do not even share the same morals. I know there is someone out there for me. Someone who takes relationships as seriously as I do. As far as a "first kiss" goes, I almost view it in the same way as I view "saving myself for marriage." How wonderful would it be to tell my husband that he is only he 2nd, 3rd, or 4th guy i've ever kissed? Where as, some people have kissed so many they can't remember them all. If I have waited 18 years, why blow my first kiss on some guy that doesn't really mean anything to me, or that I don't truly feel a connection with? I figure, I can wait until someone wonderful comes along to sweep me off my feet, and tell people that my first kiss was absolutely wonderful....not that it was with some stupid kid from seventh grade whose name I don't even remember.

It makes me sad that relationships don't mean much any more. In the old days, a man would ask a woman's father's permission to ask her out on a date. Relationships have become so normal, so casual, that there isn't much meaning left to them, and that wasn't the way God made them to be.

an environmentally friendly establishment

i am currently in the radio studio doing my radio show...what a perfect time to blog, huh? i swear i actually do stuff during my show, haha. i am writing today to say that i could possibly be the most unlucky person in the world. well, i guess it's not being unlucky, just a lot of crappy, bad things happen to me all the time. (you can refer back to an old blog about me tripping while coming out of my dorm). today, me and rebecca took the bus to target/safeway shopping center to get some random things. but, we were very hungry for lunch upon getting off the bus, so we decided to grab some lunch before heading to target. well, we crossed the street, but in order to get to pizza hut (where we decided to eat lunch), we could either walk along the side walk which was extremely out of the way, or cut across this small grassy ditch that was kinda wet. well of course we did not want to walk a huge way out of our way so we decided to walk across the little ditch. as we were walking down the side of it, i thought i was going to slip cause it was kinda steep. i even told rebecca "you know how clumsy i am, i am going to fall!" but i didn't. so then we were walking across the flat part and we suddenly realized that it was really wet so we started running and picking up our feet really high. and as i was running, of course, i slip in the wetness and fall flat on my butt. the bottom of my purse went into a puddle, as did basically my entire backside. we started cracking up because it was really hilarious, but i was extremely angry because i was soaking wet. so then we went to pizza hut, and i was hoping that they would be an environmentally friendly establishment and have a blow dryer in the bathroom. so i went in there and before i opened the door i said "God, please let there be a dryer in there." much to my surprise and happiness, there was! i run up to it and push the button...and nothing happens. so i push it about ten or twenty more times, hoping beyond hope that it will randomly start to work, but of course it does not. just another example of things that ONLY happen to me. at least they happen to me a lot more than any other person i have ever met. i need to meet a man that will love me even though i am horribly unlucky.

well, my radio show is almost over. it's been kinda crazy tonight. there were a couple times we went on the air and i couldn't stop laughing. i'm sure people who were listening (if anyone was listening at all) could not understand what the heck i was saying. oh well. i don't think anyone really listens any way. i must go, my computer is on the verge of dying. good night world wide web.

dips and dives of epic proportions

my life consists of ups and downs...constantly. i feel as if i'm riding a huge roller coaster with consecutive dips and dives of epic proportions. lame analogy, i know. but, unfortunately, it is too true. one day i will have amazing things happen, with everything happening to my benefit. then the next day i will have the complete opposite experience, as if the devil is taking charge of everything that happens to me. yesterday was an amazing day. i got an email from my professor, telling me she has mixed up an essay grade and that i had actually received a 90% instead of 64%...which is an absolutely huge change, and it definitely put me in a good mood. i was preparing for registering for classes, and all the classes i wanted still had openings. i took a test for core that i had been stressing over, that actually didn't go to horribly (at least i think...), and it was such a relief to have it be done. and i turned an essay in yesterday which had also caused me some stress. overall, yesterday was literally one of the best days i've had in a while. it was just a series of little good things that happened to add up to an amazing day.

...buuuuut then today came. i will not go into reasons why i woke up on the complete wrong side of the bed. there are a couple specific reasons, but i don't want to write about them...it will make me too pissed off. i went to work out this morning with rebecca and emilie, for which i had to get up at 9:15 because they didn't want to go later. thursday is one of my two sleep-in days, so i was not very happy to be waking up before 10. then, for certain reasons that will, to you all, remain unknown, i was extremely tired and had absolutely no energy to work out...so i got a headache after we left the fitness center, which just helped to make my day so bright. i later discovered that the class that i planned to take next semester to fulfill my science requirement is only available to education students, so i was forced to re-evaluate my whole schedule that i had planned two weeks in advance. wonderful. then it was lunch time, and i ate with rebecca and jared. i hadn't seen jared in a couple days, so that was fun. but some trouble ensued, making things slightly awkward. then they went to class and i went back to my room to prepare to register for classes right at 2pm, the moment that i would be able to. of course, just my luck, the site we use to register was telling me that i was not eligible to register, even though i was. i spent about fifteen minutes freaking out that the classes i wanted would fill up before the stupid site decided to work, when finally it went through, and i was able to get all the classes i wanted...besides, of course, the science class that i will never be able to take. and now, this is where the past becomes present. i am currently sitting at my computer wondering what the heck is happening. this day has just not been good. nothing has necessarily gone right, but what really made it bad, was the start to my day. you know what i mean? if one bad thing happens when you wake up, it just kinda makes the entire rest of the day sucky and miserable.

i get to go home for thanksgiving break in only six days. i am very anxious for many things that will occur during this break...one thing in particular, that i don't really want to talk about. BUT i am extremely excited to spend time with my sisters, since i haven't seen them since august! and i'm just excited to go home and see my pets. i've recently really been missing tully. it could just be because i know he is old and i want to spend as much time with him as possible. i just wish i could run up and hug him and kiss his face. and of course, i can't wait to see my bubzer...with that cute little, smashed in face and loud breathing. and i can't leave out my little kitten, who decided to be mad at me when i went home for fall break. i guess she was pissed that i left, so decided to basically ignore me and run away from me until the night before i left. hopefully she will be more inclined to spend time with me this break. i am also really excited to see all my friends that i haven't seen in a while...i feel like it's been a lifetime, but i know once we are all together, it will feel like no time has passed at all, and i love that.

this semester is almost over, and i am soooo happy. i am not really enjoying my classes this semester, and i have a feeling that spring is going to be much more fun. and for jan term i am taking music of the christian church, which is going to be really easy and fun. i'm pumped.

i really miss live music. it's funny because for rebecca, it was just a fun thing to do on the weekends, but for me, it has become so much more. i find out about all of these amazing concerts happening in seattle while i am in spokane, and i get really sad about missing them. she doesn't get nearly as disappointed. i just miss it so much. going to concerts was a way to escape from literally everything else that is going on in your life (especially the bad stuff) and forget about it just for a few hours, while enjoying some amazing entertainment with people who love it just as much as you do. and also, it helped having one to look forward to, it was something that kept me going through hard times...knowing that i would be going to see this providence or the classic crime in a month motivated me a lot to just suffer through whatever was going on. oh well. i guess i will just have to find something to fill the void that is now in my life.

6 days! ahhh!

only a few weeks of school left in the semester

i'm sitting in the coffee shop, called Mind and Hearth, supposed to be studying for the majorly huge and important test i have tomorrow. so naturally, my mind is thinking about everything else besides the test, including the fact that i have been slightly neglecting this blog. i am extremely stressed out right now...life is moving ridiculously fast right now. i have seven hours of class total today (when every other day of the week, i only have three), six of which still lie ahead of me.

i have this weird feeling that good things are going to come soon, that things are going to start to look up really soon. i don't know where this feeling is coming from, or why, but i definitely like it. things have gotten pretty hard the last couple of weeks...especially with thanksgiving so close, but yet so far away. i'm really missing my sisters, whom i haven't seen since the end of august. it feels weird. i've also been extremely emotional lately, and i have no idea why. randomly i will think of something that would normally make me only slightly sad, and i will start bawling. it's very odd.

luckily my emotional state is starting to taper off, it could have been because i was extremely sick for two and a half weeks and was on all sorts of crazy medicines, and my body was all messed up from not getting good rest. who knows?

i am so happy that this semester is almost over. i am taking 16 credits right now, and have 19 hours of class a week. next semester (assuming i get all the classes i want...) i will still have 16 credits, but only 15 hours of class a week. that really is a huge difference. i'm not taking any especially fun classes next semester...just trying to get a bunch of general education requirements out of the way...but i know that the amount of reading will be considerably less, which will be such a relief. i feel like i am just drowning in reading right now.

there are only a few weeks of school left in the semester. upon returning from thanksgiving break, i will only have two weeks of class, then finals week, then i get to go home again on december 13th! i have a feeling it is going to go extremely fast. also, i am really excited because i have been emailing this woman who has a horse that needs exercising. i went to visit her and meet her horses while my parents were here for parents weekend. her horse, mercedes or mercy, was really sweet and cute. mercy had a baby a little while ago, so the lady is going to be officially weaning the baby this weekend, which means i can start riding her soon! and the lady, Sam, offered to come pick me up from school to come work her horse. i'm so fricking excited.

i am still hoping, beyond all hope, that i will get a car soon. it is really annoying being stuck on campus. it would just be nice if i had a way to escape if i'm feeling down or sad or mad, for that matter. even just getting off campus to go to starbucks, just to get away, would be a huge help to me right now. not to mention, then i would be able to go ride a lot more often, considering Sam can only come get me on the weekends cause she works full time. ohh geez.

i want to paint my nails black.

the incessant and horrible coughing

well it's been quite a while since i have blogged. it's weird. it's mostly because i've been freaking sick for almost two weeks. last wednesday (6 days ago) i went to the campus health center, hoping that they would give me something the make the incessant and horrible coughing go away, and so i could actually sleep through the night without waking up ten times, and go to class without disrupting everyone. so, the doctor told me that i have a sinus infection and so she gave me antibiotics and mucinex to help get everything out, ya know. so, i started taking the antibiotics and the mucinex twice a day on wednesday, and i'm not any better yet. i have literally been suffering through the day and night. there is no other word to describe it but suffering. i lost my voice on friday, and it's still in the process of coming back, which is just really fun. and, guess what? i'm still coughing incessantly! i basically sound like i'm dying. it's miserable trying to focus and get work done, especially reading...which there's a lot of. plus, to top it all off, i only have two cough drops left....so i don't know how i'm going to make it through the night tonight. my body gave me a little tease this morning and made me think that i was starting to get better...until the coughing hit again at about 2 pm. i am going to go back to freaking health center tomorrow morning hopefully and see what the heck is wrong with the antibiotics since they are not working at all. i just hate being here right now. i wish i was home where i wouldn't have to walk outside in the 30 degree weather for five minutes just to get food...which, i am positive, is not helping me get better. i've missed three sessions of my pilates class so now i'm going to be totally lost when i can finally go back to class. i guess i should consider myself lucky seeing as the work load for the last week has been noticeably less than normal, but that's still not helping me get better. i need to go to sleep, although it will probably take me at least an hour to fall asleep, even though i'm exhausted.

chuck norris can believe it's not butter.