teenage boys thinking they know what moshing is.

last night was simply amazing. me and emilie went to see run kid run (who was playing with hawk nelson), and also got to see another good band called capital lights. it didn't start out to well though. we don't know that much about hawk nelson, and therefore, did not realize that their audience was basically ten year olds. waiting in line was horrible. we had this group of four literally 10-11 year old boys in front of us without parental supervision. they were being super rowdy and annoying. we almost punched them. it was extremely annoying. not to mention all the girls who went ga-ga over the lead singer. one girl had even died her hair green in recognition of this "green-t tour." it was a little ridiculous. plus, there were a ton of parents there with their kids. we even saw some children that couldn't have been older than 5. let's just say, we were shocked. we felt totally out of place...more so for me, because that kind of concert is totally not my scene. i kept convincing myself that once the bands i came to see started playing, all the annoyances would go away.

once we finally got into the venue, we went as close to the front as we could get. there were about 3-4 "rows" of people in front of us, which wasn't too bad. while we were waiting, like 4 different parents came pushing through saying "excuse me, i need to get to the front. my kids are up there. excuse me, i need to get to the front." me and emilie started getting really pissed off. we got to venue two and a half hours early for a reason. if you weren't waiting in line with your kids too bad. of course, we let them in, but not happily. we're not going to be disrespectful to adults, but we were so pissed. we were just not in a good mood before the music started. finally, the lights dimmed and the first band, capital lights, came on. they were surprisingly really, really good. they are from oklahoma and i had never heard of them. apparently they just recently signed with tooth and nail...big surprise that i like them, haha. they had a really short set, and we decided we'd go talk to them at their merch booth after the show. then run kid run came on. they were simply amazing. i knew pretty much all the words, so i sang along. they were everything i'd hoped they would be....their performance was engaging and really just fun to watch. it was pretty short as well, but definitely worth the $16 i paid for my ticket. after run kid run, me and emilie went up to the balcony, where the merch booths were for capital lights and run kid run. the guitarist of capital lights was alone at their table so me and emilie went to talk to him and check out their stuff. we ended up talking to him for about ten minutes, haha. he was cool and gave us free posters, signed them, and then took pictures with us. the guys from rkr hadn't come to their table yet, and their merch guy said they would probably come up after hawk nelson's set. great. we would have to stick around for hawk nelson's entire set, plus encore, if we wanted to talk to the guys from rkr.

well, we stayed on the balcony to watch hawk nelson...we really had no desire to be engaged, haha. too many screaming girls wanting to grab the lead singer, crazy old ladies dancing in the back, little boys on other people's shoulders, and teenage boys thinking they know what moshing is. the show was really produced...i.e. four smoke machines, three projectors/screens, lots of flashing lights, and videos showing on the screens while they were playing. i just kept thinking to myself, "can't your music just be enough?" i guess it's just frustrating going to so many local shows in seattle, where people are there to enjoy the music...no tricks, nothing showy. i can understand why they do it, considering the kind of audience they have attracted, but it was just annoying to me. after the show was over, we stayed up in the balcony and got the rest of capital lights to sign our posters and take pictures with us. then we waited to see run kid run. i bought a hoodie (i couldn't resist...) and emilie bought a shirt, which she had them sign. then we each took a picture with them and peaced out of there. there was a line of probably 100 people waiting to have hawk nelson sign their crap...that would definitely not be me, haha...would not be worth it. anyway, overall, it was a really fun concert. we discovered a band we had never heard of, saw a band we both already liked, got to talk to/take pictures with both of them, and got to laugh at all the immature kids and pushy parents. then we went and got kids meals at red robin at like 9:30 (which are WAY cheaper than regular meals, and not that much less food). it was an amazing night...and i got to introduce emilie to my passion. though, it was not a very good representation of the shows i go to, considering the vast number of children. she had a good time too, which is good. i can't wait to take her to more concerts this summer!

i want to punch the writers of lost in the face. twice.

so basically i'm going to new york and dc for next jan term. i am going to pay my non-refundable $300 deposit tomorrow. i am so ridiculously excited. i have wanted to go to new york for a while now, and i've never been to dc, so i'm sure that's going to be an amazing experience. i absolutely cannot wait. i don't know of anyone else that's going, but it will be fun to make new friends that way. i am so pumped.

i have a sociology test tomorrow, that i have about zero motivation to study for. i've probably studied for about an hour and a half over the last day or so, and i will probably study for at least another hour tonight...and probably won't start until midnight...which means it's going to be a late night. oh well. i have no motivation, but once it gets to be about midnight, i will go into panic mode and study like crazy. it's how i do.

ah! i can't believe that i will be home in about 7 days and 9 hours...but who's counting? spring break is seriously going to be the best week of my life. i get to go home for 5 days, then visit my sisters for the other 5 days. there's a show i want to go to on the friday night that i get home, so hopefully i will be able to find someone to go with me. i haven't seen cavalier in pretty much two years, which is unacceptable. plus, they're playing with bank. the last time i saw bank, i only caught like 2 songs cause it took so long to get in the doors. and, it's at ground zero, which i love. it's so small and very homey...probably because it is a converted house....but i pretty much love it. so, we'll see. the only issue is that i completely detest one of the bands that's playing with them. if i'm lucky, that band will be playing last and i can leave before they come one. i seriously cannot stand them. last time they were at a show i went to, i literally left the room. unfortunately, at ground zero, that's not completely an option. but, i suppose it'd be worth enduring them in order to see two other good bands. but who knows, i may not even end up going.

i can't wait to go running when i get home. i miss it so much. i don't want to run here because it'd just be extremely awkward. as long as it's not raining, i'll probably go for a run every day i'm home. and oh my word, i can't wait to go driving...especially with my puppy in the passenger seat. i miss taking him on car rides with me...and i can't wait to do that while i'm home. it sounds like such a random thing to miss, but it's one of those things where if i'm having a bad day, i can just grab my little puggsy and get in the car and go somewhere, any where, and get my mind off of things. and home-cooked meals! home-cooked meals! i can't stand cafeteria food. mostly because you have no idea what they put in it, so you never really know what you're eating, how good or bad it is for you, or how many calories and such you are consuming. it's just a really unhealthy way to be eating....and there's no avoiding it. i've been trying to do as best as i can, but sometimes even the healthier options seem unhealthy to me.

the other day i had an epiphany. well, i guess it was more of a realization. it came to me, while i was laying in bed the other day trying to fall asleep, that i will get to have easter ham while i'm home. my mother's ham is probably one of my favorite foods ever, and it only happens twice a year....kind like the ikea sale. every christmas and easter we get home-cooked ham and home-made potatoe salad. i started screaming (silently of course, as my roommate was sleeping), and the thought of easter ham actually brought a smile to my face. it's a little ridiculous, but i never realized how much i took my mother's cooking for granted in years past. let's just say i don't any more.

also, no one will every be able to comprehend my excitedment for having my car here. me and emilie went to the service station today to buy our tickets for run kid run and hawk nelson (which i am soooooooooo excited for...though it cost $16.50, which is a little much, but totally worth it). i can't wait to be able to go off campus to go to starbucks or the service station, get coffee and do my homework in a place that's not here, haha. i do my homework in the school coffee shop quite a bit, but it does tend to get pretty loud in there, or a lot of times, there will be people watching something on the flat screen, so it can be pretty distracting.

NOTE: IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE NEWEST EPISODE OF LOST, 3/13, YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT TO READ THIS.

ok, so here's the deal. i pretty much want to punch the writers for Lost in the face over and over again. now, two of my absolute favorite characters are dead (one currently, and one in the future). i found out in tonight's episode that jin dies, some time between now and the time sun has her baby off the island. i seriously almost started crying. i am so pissed. i loved the relationship between jin and sun, it was so great to see their relationship mend and then watch them fall so deeply back in love. the baby is jin's and everything was going great....until now. i'm seriously so angry right now. who knows when he's actually going to die....it could be the next episode, it may not even be this season. i'm just pissed because now i know that he doesn't get to see his baby and sun's will be alone. ugh. i am so mad about this. i was already so angry that charlie died, my favorite character of them all, and now someone who's definitely in my top 5 favorite characters is going to be dying. i'm pissed. next week's episode better be freaking amazing, or i'm gonna be angry, and something good better happen, to make up for this crappy realization of jin's dying. goodness, it's so brutal too, they make you think that jin's just late to the birth of the baby and that he's running around trying to get a stuffed panda to bring her, and then you find out that that was his flashback, and what we are seeing of sun is a flash forward. GAH! so much trickery.

i thought i was SOL

so guess what. i'm going to see Run Kid Run and Hawk Nelson on Sunday (emphasis on the RKR). I'm so excited. I had been eyeing the rkr album for a while and finally caved in and bought it with itunes gift cards from christmas a couple months ago. i'm pretty much in love with it, and now they're playing in spokane. i absolutely cannot wait. plus, me and emilie are going, which should be really fun. she's only been to a few concerts, so it will be fun to kinda introduce her to my world, so to speak.

i found out today that the jan term trip that i applied for accepted me. it goes to new york and DC with an emphasis on mass media. it goes to a bunch of different companies to talk to people about media impact from all kinds of media: tv, movies, radio, music, written, everything. there are only 12 spots, so i thought i was SOL with my odds in getting one of those spots. so, at least i think i am accepted. we weren't actually supposed to find out until tomorrow at 3pm, but for some reason my online application already showed the status as YES. i am kind of afraid that it was some kind of horrible mistake and they didn't actually want me. i suppose i will find out tomorrow if i get an email or not. i'm hoping i can go, because i've been wanting to go to new york for a while, and it totally relates to what i want to do with my life. there's practical application to this study "abroad" trip for me, whereas, a lot of them are on some random subject, like politics and the arts in italy and germany. don't get me wrong, i would love to go to italy and germany, but those topics don't relate to my career interests at all.

i bought (with my mother's credit card....i had permission, don't worry) my plane tickets to and from burbank today. i leave on wednesday the 26th and go back to seattle on sunday the 30th, after which i will drive my lovely little car (which i have yet to name) the five hour drive back to spokane. it's gonna kind of suck doing that much traveling in one day, but totally worth it to be able to have an entire saturday to spend with my sister. if i had flown back on saturday, the flight would have been at about 4 pm, which would have cut off an entire evening. plus, i always sleep on planes, so i will get an extra 2.5 hours of sleep on the plane. though, since i bought them so close to the date, there were only middle seats left, which frickin sucks. hopefully, when i go check in there will be some more seats available.

i cannot believe that i get to go home in 10 days. it's kind of insane. this semester has honestly gone by so fast...which is a good thing. actually, it's an amazing thing. the sooner i get out of here, the better (and the saner i'll be). it really scares me to think about after spring break though. once i come back after break, i will be here for six straight weeks. i've heard that that time goes by really fast, but i have my doubts. i have a feeling it's going to be harder to leave home after this break than compared to all the others i've had.

the homework assignment that moves.

i love god. of all ways for him to speak to me, i wasn't expecting to get it from a homework assignment. for my philosophy of religion class, i had to read a bunch of bible passages and try to pull out things the passage said about good and evil and god's relationship to them. the last passage i read was romans 8:18-39. it turns out that i read the assignment sheet wrong and i wasn't even supposed to read that one...i was actually supposed to read something from james. after i realized this in class today, it just made me smile because i knew, even more than i did last night, that God wanted me to read the romans passage. honestly, it just spoke so closely to my situation. i've been going through a heck of a time here these last few weeks. a combination of so many things has sent me into a....a....i don't even know what to call it....pit of despair? okay, so that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the idea. i've been questioning a lot of things lately....a lot of things that aren't what i thought they'd be. here are some of the verses of the romans passage that i read last night:

"the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us"

"we groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body, For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance"

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to his purpose."

"What then shall we say to these things? if God is for us, who can be against us?"

"For i am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

as i was reading this it just kind of reminded me that God loves me, no matter what kind of crap i'm going through. it's also not God who is doing these things to me and causing me pain. this realization doesn't make the situation any better or make me any happier, it just helped remind me that there is someone who will always be there for me and loves me so much that i cannot even comprehend.

this doesn't make my problems go away. i'm still really considering transferring for next year. i just don't know if i want to be here any more. i hate it. i hate it. i am trying to take it day by day, but every time i eat alone (which is pretty much every meal of every day), i just find myself thinking "i hate me life, i hate my life." i wish i could just go to sleep and wake up on march 21st and go home. i've been sleeping a lot more than usual lately. i find that i'm tired basically all of the time. yesterday i took a 2 and a half hour nap, basically because i had no reason and no motivation to wake up, despite setting my alarm for a 45 minute nap. why wake up if there's no reason to? the only reason i got out of bed was because my sister called me. then of course i procrastinated doing my homework and ended up staying up until 2 am finishing it, which was my own fault. but by that point, i wasn't tired because of my ridiculously long nap. oh, oh and i painted my nails yellow last night. i kinda forgot how much i love having my nails painted.

okay, so i'm actually really, really tired right now, so i think i'm going to take a nap. i can't be tired for tonight...lost is on!

17 days before i get to go home

i have a mid term tomorrow for old testament and i really need to study for it....so naturally, i'm not. i don't feel like doing much of anything lately besides sleeping. unfortunately i'm not tired enough to fall asleep right now, so i find other ways to avoid doing work. i have no motivation to do anything constructive lately. like, i'm talking no motivation whatsoever. in fact, i'm getting kinda tired just typing this. i shouldn't be tired though because i had a grande vanilla latte at 1. two shots of espresso should be keeping me more than alert at the moment. however, i'm very sleepy now.

i can't wait for spring break to come. i only have to wait 17 days before i get to go home, and possibly go visit my sister as well, which would be simply amazing. i can't wait for this semester to be over. the day i get to go home for the summer is going to be a wonderful day. i miss riding terribly, and i'm hoping to find a place to ride for the summer. i can't go an entire summer without it, or i might lose my mind. i'm sad that my old barn kinda fell apart. most of the horses i had known for four years have been sold which is really sad.

i bought a couple cd's on smartpunk last week and they finally got here yesterday! let's see, i got The Summer Set, Making April and Parade the Day. i had only heard of a couple of them, but they were each only about 5 dollars each, so i previewed them on myspace before buying them. they all turned out to be pretty good, which is awesome. i had been feeling the need for some new music, so it was fun to get some new stuff to listen to. also, i sent out packages to my sisters today. i spent a long time preparing their little presents yesterday which was fun. i hope they like them.

i found out a couple days ago that holyfield is coming to spokane! it's not until april 21st, but it still definitely made my day. as much as going to concerts like minus the bear and rocky votolato is great, there's just something special about being able to see my favorite bands from home, and seeing their familiar faces. it just makes me giddy thinking about seeing them. it's the best news i've gotten in a long time. it's funny how something so seemingly small can cheer me up so much. although, it doesn't really cheer me up, it just makes me really look forward to april 21st.

i suppose i should give in and actually study for the midterm that's worth almost half of my grade. blah.

could my saturday be more boring?

gosh, my life is boring. seriously. i have done pretty much nothing constructive today. want to know what i did?

1. randomly woke up at 4am to find my roommate's bed empty...then went back to sleep of course
2. woke up at 9:45ish.
3. worked out.
4. watched gymnastics on tv then took a shower.
5. went to lunch (by myself....again)
6. got a grande vanilla latte at the coffee shop.
7. watched two episodes of Eli Stone.
8. studied for two and a half hours.
9. watched an episode of survivor.
10. wasted time on the internet.

and now, here i am. could my saturday be more boring? i don't think so. this is just one more reason why i need to find friends who actually want to hang out/spend time with me. is it that much to ask? apparently. i just keep telling myself "20 days until i get to go home and leave this horrible place." and only a couple months until i get to leave here for the entire summer and be with people that care about me and love me. blah. i think it will really help me mentally if i get to see my sister over spring break. i haven't seen her since january 6th when i left to come back to school. i miss my best friend. it sucks being so far away.

also, i've really been missing my pups lately. i miss taking bubbzy everywhere with me...especially to the starbucks drive-thru where he shakes at the sight of strangers. i miss going to runs with him and seeing him so happy. i miss him jumping into my lap when i sit on the sofa. i even miss the hilarity of trying to hold him down to clip his nails. i miss hugging mooky when i'm having a bad day. i miss him sitting under my feet while watching tv or sleeping at the end of my bed while i fall asleep. i miss kissing his whiskers. i miss him smiling at me when i come home. i miss rubbing my kitten's belly. i miss her squinty happy eyes.

i know this seems ridiculous, but i really miss my bed, haha. it's amazingly comfortable and it's so big...it's like sleeping on a big cloud. i miss dancing around my room in my underwear to loud music while trying to pick out an outfit for the day...well, i guess i could still do that, but it'd be extremely awkward. ugh. i could honestly think of a million things that i miss, but listing them all is not going to help me be any happier or miss them any less.

there was an amazing concert at the showbox last night, which i of course missed. i'm starting to get over the fact that i've already missed at least 5 amazing shows and continue to miss amazing shows, but it doesn't make me any less sad that i'm missing them...i guess i've just come to terms with the fact that there's nothing i can do about it. i am so serious about wanting to work in the music industry. it would be sweet to have something i love so much be my career.

i think i'm gonna go get a muffin or somethin.