sometimes i get in a mood where i just have to write...anything at all that comes to mind, however ridiculous or random it may be. here is the result:
i have horrible balance, and therefore, cannot do any sports that involve any sort of 'gliding' action, such as ice skating, roller blading, and skiing. i hate dancing...in front of people. i don't mind it when i'm alone. if i won't dance somewhere, it means i'm not comfortable enough. i like wearing glasses, even though some people see them as a blemish of the face. i think they're cute. i'm horribly insecure, and god, do i know it. i've been working at it. sometimes i get the feeling my friends don't like me, don't want to spend time with me. it happens a lot, and i don't know what to do about it. i wish i could draw. i have a love for shoes that is not quite at obsession status yet. sometimes i think life would be much simpler to be living in a situation like "lost," of course, without the smoke monster and the 'others.' i love god, but sometimes i wonder, does he really hear my prayers? or, more importantly, does he listen? it makes me sad that sex holds no meaning any more. wearing a favorite hoodie can make my day ten times better. and on the opposite side of the spectrum, a bad hair/wardrobe day can make my day ten times worse. i'm learning to love [some] screamo music. i'm a sucker for vanilla lattes with fluffy foam and pretty designs. i miss the feel of riding breeches and paddock boots. i even miss the bucking fits and biting horses. i miss the days when dressing up for halloween was cute and wholesome. i've always tried to journal, but could never manage to keep it up for more than a few weeks. i can't stand it when people wear their backpacks on one shoulder, though i must admit, i did when i was seven. music makes me happy, when nothing else can. if all else fails, at least i can play it loud enough to drown every thing else out. i like changing my hair often, whether it be the color or the cut. i get bored too quickly. i love the color yellow because it's bright and cheery. i want to impact someone's life. i'm not going to go so far to say that i want to change the world, but if i can truly impact one person's life, i'll be satisfied. i have no desire to skydive or bungee jump. i don't thinking risking my life for a quick thrill is really worth it. i wish people didn't have to change. i wish people wouldn't 'grow apart.' i hate being shy, and i hate confrontation. i avoid it at all costs. i don't like to bring up touchy subjects because i always just want everyone to get along and be happy, which is never the case. i love little inventions like the apple slicer. i'm really over this right now. the end.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
it was pure bliss, as my memory recalled so many great moments.
it's friday. another week is in the bag. i go home on wednesday, which i can't believe.
i saw barcelona on wednesday night. i went alone, which was quite depressing. for the first three bands, i just sat in the back and texted people and listened to the music. there were a ton of people there, and i felt like everyone was staring at me, the loser who was sitting alone. it was pretty miserable. the worst part was, all the opening bands were really good, but i couldn't enjoy them cause i was wallowing it a pit of pity. once barcelona started, i decided to stand up and move closer so i could actually see. they were amazing, as always. they played a new song that i had never heard. it was really beautiful, but extremely sad. it was so nice to see them again. it's only been a few months, but they just never get old. ever.
i had my guitar final on tuesday. i am going to miss that class. paul was so chill and was a great teacher. i learned a lot, for only having about ten weeks of class. for our final, we could play anything we wanted...literally anything. i chose to play 'what child is this?". i also planned to sing, which i was super nervous for. i had never sung in front of people before. ever. i know i can at least carry a tune, but i definitely do not have a great voice. i sang three verses of the song, and i didn't mess up at all. at least it was a really informal performance. we didn't even have to stand up in front of the class! i might try to take the intermediate guitar class next semester. i really want to keep learning, and paul is teaching it again, so i know it'll be amazing.
last night, i went to bed at 9:00. i got twelve hours of sleep, on a school night, which is basically unheard of at college. for some reason i was exhausted and it was too late to take a nap. i had no homework that i had to do (i always have things i can do) so i decided that i may as well use my time well and get a good night's sleep for once.
lost starts again in january. i absolutely cannot wait! that show is so fantastic. i watched a preview on abc.com and got really excited. i hardly remember anything that happened in the fourth season, so i think i'm going go try to re-watch seasons three and four over christmas break. i love it.
the new moneta EP came in the mail yesterday. it made me so happy. i literally smiled when i opened my mailbox and saw the package slip sitting there. i knew immediately what it was. there are a couple songs on there that they've been singing live for the longest time, but had not released a recording of. i walked really fast back to my room and ripped the package open. then i had a little dance party all by my lonesome to some of my favorite songs, like 'no surrender'. the first time i heard that song, i thought it was so epic, and listening to it just brought back to many happy memories of a bunch of shows i went to. i just sat and listened to it all the way through without doing anything else at all. it was pure bliss, as my memory recalled so many great moments.
finals week is next week, though i only have two days of finals. i leave to come home on wednesday, while most people don't get to leave until friday or saturday. there's something about the time around finals week that just screams 'drama.' for some reason, the most stressful time of the year for college students is also the week that carries the most drama of any week in the year. why is that? well, it sucks. a lot. and i just wish that we could all just get along perfectly and never have any problems. but if we never have problems, it wouldn't really be 'life.' oh well. i get on a plane in 5 days and i can go home and relax for three weeks.
i've been sort of reclusive lately, and i'm not quite sure why. last night there was a christmas party in my dorm, and a bunch of people went. there was a gift exchange, cookies, and plenty of christmas cheer. i was in one of those moods where i don't want to be social, especially the fake-kind, where you have to put on a face and be all bubbly and happy and talkative. ya know? so i didn't go. at all. i stayed in my room and then went to bed at 9:15pm. that's the earliest i've gone to bed all year. then i slept for twelve hours since i didn't have class until 10 this morning. then earlier today, i took a nap for an hour, when i really shouldn't have been tired. and now, i have nothing to do tonight, so i'll probably end up going to bed early (well...early for a friday night is midnight). i hate this.
i saw barcelona on wednesday night. i went alone, which was quite depressing. for the first three bands, i just sat in the back and texted people and listened to the music. there were a ton of people there, and i felt like everyone was staring at me, the loser who was sitting alone. it was pretty miserable. the worst part was, all the opening bands were really good, but i couldn't enjoy them cause i was wallowing it a pit of pity. once barcelona started, i decided to stand up and move closer so i could actually see. they were amazing, as always. they played a new song that i had never heard. it was really beautiful, but extremely sad. it was so nice to see them again. it's only been a few months, but they just never get old. ever.
i had my guitar final on tuesday. i am going to miss that class. paul was so chill and was a great teacher. i learned a lot, for only having about ten weeks of class. for our final, we could play anything we wanted...literally anything. i chose to play 'what child is this?". i also planned to sing, which i was super nervous for. i had never sung in front of people before. ever. i know i can at least carry a tune, but i definitely do not have a great voice. i sang three verses of the song, and i didn't mess up at all. at least it was a really informal performance. we didn't even have to stand up in front of the class! i might try to take the intermediate guitar class next semester. i really want to keep learning, and paul is teaching it again, so i know it'll be amazing.
last night, i went to bed at 9:00. i got twelve hours of sleep, on a school night, which is basically unheard of at college. for some reason i was exhausted and it was too late to take a nap. i had no homework that i had to do (i always have things i can do) so i decided that i may as well use my time well and get a good night's sleep for once.
lost starts again in january. i absolutely cannot wait! that show is so fantastic. i watched a preview on abc.com and got really excited. i hardly remember anything that happened in the fourth season, so i think i'm going go try to re-watch seasons three and four over christmas break. i love it.
the new moneta EP came in the mail yesterday. it made me so happy. i literally smiled when i opened my mailbox and saw the package slip sitting there. i knew immediately what it was. there are a couple songs on there that they've been singing live for the longest time, but had not released a recording of. i walked really fast back to my room and ripped the package open. then i had a little dance party all by my lonesome to some of my favorite songs, like 'no surrender'. the first time i heard that song, i thought it was so epic, and listening to it just brought back to many happy memories of a bunch of shows i went to. i just sat and listened to it all the way through without doing anything else at all. it was pure bliss, as my memory recalled so many great moments.
finals week is next week, though i only have two days of finals. i leave to come home on wednesday, while most people don't get to leave until friday or saturday. there's something about the time around finals week that just screams 'drama.' for some reason, the most stressful time of the year for college students is also the week that carries the most drama of any week in the year. why is that? well, it sucks. a lot. and i just wish that we could all just get along perfectly and never have any problems. but if we never have problems, it wouldn't really be 'life.' oh well. i get on a plane in 5 days and i can go home and relax for three weeks.
i've been sort of reclusive lately, and i'm not quite sure why. last night there was a christmas party in my dorm, and a bunch of people went. there was a gift exchange, cookies, and plenty of christmas cheer. i was in one of those moods where i don't want to be social, especially the fake-kind, where you have to put on a face and be all bubbly and happy and talkative. ya know? so i didn't go. at all. i stayed in my room and then went to bed at 9:15pm. that's the earliest i've gone to bed all year. then i slept for twelve hours since i didn't have class until 10 this morning. then earlier today, i took a nap for an hour, when i really shouldn't have been tired. and now, i have nothing to do tonight, so i'll probably end up going to bed early (well...early for a friday night is midnight). i hate this.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
it seems as if the world won't let me forget
today has just been one of those days for me. one of those days where you just want to punch the world in the face for making you it's bitch. one of those days where everything seems to just miss the mark, and you're constantly waiting for the bulls eye. god. is that a weird analogy?
this year has been interesting, to say the least. i can't seem to forget about a certain thing, and it seems as if the world won't let me forget. i try not to think about it, to get over it, to realize nothing is going to come of it, and then the next day it's in my face again. how am i supposed to handle that? i pray about it. "god, please just take it away and help me ignore it" and then the next day, there it is! it's a little frustrating.
i love the holidays. the decorations bring joy to my heart when i see them, and i think about the wonderful times i get to spend with family and friends (and away from school and spokane). i think this year though, i've started to realize more how much i hate being single, and the holiday cheer is simply accentuating that feeling. i hear all these stupid songs about "i'll be home for christmas," "all i want for christmas is you," blah, blah, blah. those songs are great and meaningful and sweet if you have a loved one, but just rub in your loneliness when you're single. i'm at a weird point in my life. for so long i didn't even really have a desire to have a guy in my life. i was perfectly content being single and basking it all its glory. unlike a lot of girls, i don't need a man to validate myself in any way, i just desire to have that closeness with someone - an emotional connection, if you will.
enough about this mushy crap. ugh.
i get to go home in 8 days, since technically, it's already tuesday. i have quite a bit of stuff that has to get done before finals are over. i have about four papers to write, a big project for design that i have to finish, and of course four final exams. i'm not stressing too much, and my finals are much less intense than last year. plus, i lucked out and i get to leave on wednesday since i don't have any finals on thursday or friday. it'll be nice to be home and not have to think about school at all for a little while.
it hasn't snowed yet since i've been at school (it did during thanksgiving break, which i missed, thank God). in all actuality, it's kind of miraculous that i haven't had to deal with the snow. and then i'll be in new york and DC during january, so i'll miss pretty much that entire month.
i'm so done with this bad day i've had. i'm looking forward to starting a brand new one tomorrow.
this year has been interesting, to say the least. i can't seem to forget about a certain thing, and it seems as if the world won't let me forget. i try not to think about it, to get over it, to realize nothing is going to come of it, and then the next day it's in my face again. how am i supposed to handle that? i pray about it. "god, please just take it away and help me ignore it" and then the next day, there it is! it's a little frustrating.
i love the holidays. the decorations bring joy to my heart when i see them, and i think about the wonderful times i get to spend with family and friends (and away from school and spokane). i think this year though, i've started to realize more how much i hate being single, and the holiday cheer is simply accentuating that feeling. i hear all these stupid songs about "i'll be home for christmas," "all i want for christmas is you," blah, blah, blah. those songs are great and meaningful and sweet if you have a loved one, but just rub in your loneliness when you're single. i'm at a weird point in my life. for so long i didn't even really have a desire to have a guy in my life. i was perfectly content being single and basking it all its glory. unlike a lot of girls, i don't need a man to validate myself in any way, i just desire to have that closeness with someone - an emotional connection, if you will.
enough about this mushy crap. ugh.
i get to go home in 8 days, since technically, it's already tuesday. i have quite a bit of stuff that has to get done before finals are over. i have about four papers to write, a big project for design that i have to finish, and of course four final exams. i'm not stressing too much, and my finals are much less intense than last year. plus, i lucked out and i get to leave on wednesday since i don't have any finals on thursday or friday. it'll be nice to be home and not have to think about school at all for a little while.
it hasn't snowed yet since i've been at school (it did during thanksgiving break, which i missed, thank God). in all actuality, it's kind of miraculous that i haven't had to deal with the snow. and then i'll be in new york and DC during january, so i'll miss pretty much that entire month.
i'm so done with this bad day i've had. i'm looking forward to starting a brand new one tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
i'm almost 3/8 done with college.
i'm supposed to be studying for my core test that i have on friday, but i have an utter lack of motivation at the moment. i also have a design project due tomorrow that i have to finish and an accounting test on thursday. this week blows.
i signed up for my spring classes today. i'm pretty excited about them. i'll be taking macroeconomics, writing for mass media, international business, managerial accounting, yoga, ice skating, marketing and radio. it's 18 credits, so i'll be pretty busy, but i like to be busy. if i don't have enough classes, i have too much free time that i just end up wasting. plus, yoga and ice skating are both half-semester classes so they are both over before spring break. then the second half of my semester will be more chill cause i'll have 6 less class hours a week. wow...that's a lot. i'm excited though. i don't dislike the classes i'm taking right now, i'm just getting a little sick of them and i'm ready for a change.
the end of this semester means that i am closer to my jan term trip to new york and DC. i absolutely cannot, cannot, CANNOT wait. i am so excited to see new york and i've never been to dc either. also, i will be in dc when obama is inaugurated into office. i don't know if i'll be able to go to it, but just being there while a new president comes into office is a really cool thing, especially because i love obama and i'm super happy he won the election. it would have killed me to see sarah palin in the white house.
i go home for thanksgiving break in exactly a week from today. i can't believe it has come up so quickly. after break, then i have a week and a half til i come home for christmas break. it's all happening so fast. this semester has completely flown by. i think i've definitely settled into whitworth this year. i don't know, last year was such a difficult time for me and so many things were new, plus i didn't really make any friends. i was just not happy here, but this year i feel so much more at home here. i still wouldn't call it 'home' necessarily, because i am a seattle girl in every sense of the word, and i could never call spokane 'home'. it's more of a temporary living situation. i can't wait to move back to seattle after i graduate from whitworth. i'm almost 3/8 done with college. ahh! part of me wants to be done with college so i can just start my life, but there's another part of me that wants to just stay in college forever so i never have to face reality. because, in all actuality, college in unlike any other experience, but it's not like the real world.
i wish there were more emo kids at whitworth. and more emo bands in spokane. maybe i just need to find some people to turn into emos. haha. i wish. i miss my bands back home. it's been too long...even though i get to see the classic crime on saturday! ahh. i can't wait. they are seriously, not joking, one of my favorite all time bands, especially to see live. they have one of the best live shows i've ever seen. they are headling the tour which means a really long set and lots of songs from the new album, that i'm in love with. they're playing with artist vs. poet, who are also really good. they had an ep come out today, but i'm too poor to buy it...maybe i'll buy it at the show on saturday.
also, twilight comes out this weekend! i really want to go to the midnight show, but i have a core test on friday morning. i could probably go to the midnight showing and be fine, but i think i'm going to do the smart, responsible thing and just go see it on friday afternoon. plus, then i won't have to deal with the utter mayhem that the midnight showing will entail. i just hope the movie's good. i'm a little worried, but i have hope. though, i love robert pattinson, so even if it sucks, at least i'll have been able to stare at his beautiful face for two hours.
for serious, i cannot concentrate. turkey and pumpkin pie are calling my name...
i signed up for my spring classes today. i'm pretty excited about them. i'll be taking macroeconomics, writing for mass media, international business, managerial accounting, yoga, ice skating, marketing and radio. it's 18 credits, so i'll be pretty busy, but i like to be busy. if i don't have enough classes, i have too much free time that i just end up wasting. plus, yoga and ice skating are both half-semester classes so they are both over before spring break. then the second half of my semester will be more chill cause i'll have 6 less class hours a week. wow...that's a lot. i'm excited though. i don't dislike the classes i'm taking right now, i'm just getting a little sick of them and i'm ready for a change.
the end of this semester means that i am closer to my jan term trip to new york and DC. i absolutely cannot, cannot, CANNOT wait. i am so excited to see new york and i've never been to dc either. also, i will be in dc when obama is inaugurated into office. i don't know if i'll be able to go to it, but just being there while a new president comes into office is a really cool thing, especially because i love obama and i'm super happy he won the election. it would have killed me to see sarah palin in the white house.
i go home for thanksgiving break in exactly a week from today. i can't believe it has come up so quickly. after break, then i have a week and a half til i come home for christmas break. it's all happening so fast. this semester has completely flown by. i think i've definitely settled into whitworth this year. i don't know, last year was such a difficult time for me and so many things were new, plus i didn't really make any friends. i was just not happy here, but this year i feel so much more at home here. i still wouldn't call it 'home' necessarily, because i am a seattle girl in every sense of the word, and i could never call spokane 'home'. it's more of a temporary living situation. i can't wait to move back to seattle after i graduate from whitworth. i'm almost 3/8 done with college. ahh! part of me wants to be done with college so i can just start my life, but there's another part of me that wants to just stay in college forever so i never have to face reality. because, in all actuality, college in unlike any other experience, but it's not like the real world.
i wish there were more emo kids at whitworth. and more emo bands in spokane. maybe i just need to find some people to turn into emos. haha. i wish. i miss my bands back home. it's been too long...even though i get to see the classic crime on saturday! ahh. i can't wait. they are seriously, not joking, one of my favorite all time bands, especially to see live. they have one of the best live shows i've ever seen. they are headling the tour which means a really long set and lots of songs from the new album, that i'm in love with. they're playing with artist vs. poet, who are also really good. they had an ep come out today, but i'm too poor to buy it...maybe i'll buy it at the show on saturday.
also, twilight comes out this weekend! i really want to go to the midnight show, but i have a core test on friday morning. i could probably go to the midnight showing and be fine, but i think i'm going to do the smart, responsible thing and just go see it on friday afternoon. plus, then i won't have to deal with the utter mayhem that the midnight showing will entail. i just hope the movie's good. i'm a little worried, but i have hope. though, i love robert pattinson, so even if it sucks, at least i'll have been able to stare at his beautiful face for two hours.
for serious, i cannot concentrate. turkey and pumpkin pie are calling my name...
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
trying my hardest, and obviously failing epically.
i feel sick to my stomach, but i don't think it's because i ate something bad. is it possible for your emotions to manifest themselves physically, to make the move from the mind to the body? i think that's what's happening to me right now. it's november. i've now been at school for two months. and while these past two months have flown by, they've also caused me to become increasingly aware of how much i don't want to be single any more [and also something i thought might pan out, has definitely not]. the desire to love someone and be loved in return has crept up inside me like some sort of monster that won't go away. i'm 19 years old and i've never been kissed [or been in a relationship for that matter]. i realize i'm not the only person who's in this situation, but it's still no fun. i love all of my friends to death and i've made a ton of new friends this year, but there's still a void there that can't be filled with friends. i think we all have this void until someone comes along to fill it. it's not like i've become a pile of broken pieces, waiting for someone to put me back together, i'm just starting to realize that it'd be really nice to have someone, a significant other, in my life right now.
i've said before that i didn't want to have a relationship in college because it allows people to spend way too much time together, which isn't like the real world. living in the dorms allows people to practically live together and spend every waking minute with one another. it's not a realistic situation. even if you move in together after college, you'll have jobs and won't see each other every hour of the day. i just don't want to be in a relationship that commands all of my attention or forces me to cut off time spent with friends.
i trust God's timing, and while i really felt like this was going to be the year, apparently i was wrong. who knows - maybe god thinks i'm not ready for a relationship. or maybe the man God has for me isn't ready for a relationship. there's a thousand possible reasons as to why God hasn't blessed me with a man yet. we all think we know how to run our lives, but in the end, God knows what's best. in seasons of life when things aren't happening the way we want, it's hard to just trust God and keep living your life. i'm trying my hardest, and obviously failing epically.
i've been listening to death cab's 'narrow stairs' non-stop for the last few days. it is a really great album that i highly recommend. i haven't even gotten all the way through it because i find myself listening to the first six songs over and over again. My favorite song right now is "Cath..." it's brilliant.
i've worn my hair curly the last few days. i forgot how weird it is, and annoying. i can't run my fingers through it without completely ruining it, and it gets frizzy when i take a nap during the day...so, it basically all around sucks, except for the fact that it takes a lot less time to do. i much prefer it straight. i've also been realizing lately that i miss my dark hair. i think i'll change it back soon.
i'm going home tomorrow night. the maine is playing in seattle on friday night with every avenue, mayday parade, and all time low. unfortunately, the show sold out and i forgot to buy tickets before that happened. me and emilie are driving all the way home, just holding out hope that someone will be there selling tickets. i'm a little bit worried. if we don't end up being able to get tickets, i'll be really sad, but it's not the end of the world. it'll definitely be an amazing show for sure, but there'll be other tours. we're at least going to see the maine because they are playing at the wet seal in southcenter at 3 pm. at least we'll have that. i'm still holding out hope and praying like no other.
i still feel sick.
i've said before that i didn't want to have a relationship in college because it allows people to spend way too much time together, which isn't like the real world. living in the dorms allows people to practically live together and spend every waking minute with one another. it's not a realistic situation. even if you move in together after college, you'll have jobs and won't see each other every hour of the day. i just don't want to be in a relationship that commands all of my attention or forces me to cut off time spent with friends.
i trust God's timing, and while i really felt like this was going to be the year, apparently i was wrong. who knows - maybe god thinks i'm not ready for a relationship. or maybe the man God has for me isn't ready for a relationship. there's a thousand possible reasons as to why God hasn't blessed me with a man yet. we all think we know how to run our lives, but in the end, God knows what's best. in seasons of life when things aren't happening the way we want, it's hard to just trust God and keep living your life. i'm trying my hardest, and obviously failing epically.
i've been listening to death cab's 'narrow stairs' non-stop for the last few days. it is a really great album that i highly recommend. i haven't even gotten all the way through it because i find myself listening to the first six songs over and over again. My favorite song right now is "Cath..." it's brilliant.
i've worn my hair curly the last few days. i forgot how weird it is, and annoying. i can't run my fingers through it without completely ruining it, and it gets frizzy when i take a nap during the day...so, it basically all around sucks, except for the fact that it takes a lot less time to do. i much prefer it straight. i've also been realizing lately that i miss my dark hair. i think i'll change it back soon.
i'm going home tomorrow night. the maine is playing in seattle on friday night with every avenue, mayday parade, and all time low. unfortunately, the show sold out and i forgot to buy tickets before that happened. me and emilie are driving all the way home, just holding out hope that someone will be there selling tickets. i'm a little bit worried. if we don't end up being able to get tickets, i'll be really sad, but it's not the end of the world. it'll definitely be an amazing show for sure, but there'll be other tours. we're at least going to see the maine because they are playing at the wet seal in southcenter at 3 pm. at least we'll have that. i'm still holding out hope and praying like no other.
i still feel sick.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
high school musical and an assortment of treats.
i went home last weekend and it was utterly fantastic. both of my sisters were home and alissa was home so i got to hang out with all of them. i went home thursday night and skipped classes on friday. luckily, i only had two and one of them had a test [which i took early on thursday...thanks professor sartell! haha] and the other was just a lecture, which i can get the notes from. the drive home wasn't too bad. i didn't get too tired, which was nice. i was really worried that i'd have a hard time staying awake. i listened to both disks of dane cook's retaliation, so that took up some time and definitely helped keep me awake. otherwise i just listened to music. it was actually really nice to just have that time alone out in the middle of no where. it gave me time to think about things - time that i just don't have when i'm at school and constantly thinking about what needs to get done for all my classes. i got home and watched the office...alone. no one was home to greet me, but i forgave them all for being jerks. then me and rachel and chelsea talked until 4:00 in the morning. that's what happens when we haven't all been together in a month and a half. i slept until 1 pm the next day, which was a little ridiculous. i was kinda mad at myself because i didn't want to waste any time like that. friday night we went out to dinner at a place in china town...it was amazing. i hadn't had really good chinese food in a long time, in fact, just thinking about it is making my mouth water and i'm not even hungry. then we went to claim jumper for dessert, which is fantastic as always. i realized then that i wouldn't have time to go get some legitimate coffee on saturday, which meant that i would have to go friday night. i wasn't about to come home to seattle and not get a real latte. so, after dessert, me and belin went to the bauhaus at like 10:45 and stayed there and chatted and read the stranger until about midnight. then of course, i stayed up until almost 3 am doing nothing of real importance. Saturday, i had to wake up at 8 so we could leave for leavenworth by 8:30, which of course we ended up not leaving until 9:15. we drove out to leavenworth, but stopped by lake wenatchee for a little while to take pictures and such, which was really fun. then we drove by the alps store, which is a tradition. we took a sister portait like we did when i was like four years old. it was quite fun. then we finally got to leavenworth, by which point we were all starving for lunch. but, octoberfest was going on, so there were crazy masses of people, and it took a while to find a parking spot. we finally parked and go to the restaurant, where we waited twenty minutes for a table, then got the worst service i have ever had at any restaurant ever. it was horrible, but the food wasn't too bad! i had to be home by about 6, so after we ate, we only have about a half hour to walk around leavenworth, which wasn't much with all the crowds. it was kind of a wasted trip, but it was still fun.
when i got home, i drove over to alissa's to have dinner with her and her mom and grandma. then i took her to ktub to see her first local show. we went to see madison drive, new heights, city in the sea, and hot donnas. they were all really good...hot donnas weren't really my style, and they seemed like they hadn't really matured as a band yet - like they didn't really know what to do on the stage. otherwise it was really fun. i loved madison drive. i've been trying to get to one of their shows for the longest time, and i'm glad i finally got to see them. it was quite sad though because there were only like twenty people left when they came on. it was still fun though. plus, their new guitarist is hilarious, but kind of awkward. haha. afterwards, we went back to her house and watched high school musical and ate an assortment of treats. it was a fabulous time.
unfortunately, i had to leave home around noon in order to get back to school so i could work on homework. yuck. the drive back was a little more difficult for me. i listened to brian regan, which helped. though, coming back to school this year is not as hard as it was last year. especially towards the beginning of last year, i felt really homesick a lot, but didn't really know why. this year, i still have days where i get home sick, but for the most part, i'm happy to be out of the house and out on my own. of course, i miss my puppies, tully especially, and the cats, oh, and my amazing bed, but i'm much happier at whitworth that i was last year.
a rocket to the moon's new ep came out today. i bought it on itunes and it is simply wonderful. it's only five songs, which makes me sad, and i had listened to two of the songs on his myspace a LOT, so only three of the songs are really new to me, but i still love it. plus, i just got a bunch of new music from my sister, so i've been enjoying all of that.
goodness gracious, i've got so many good concerts coming up soon! i'm not sure if i'm going to go to this one, but forever the sickest kids is playing at el corazon during fall break. the real you is playing here in spokane right before fall break. then i'm going to see the maine [my favies!], mayday parade, and all time low on november 7th in seattle. ivoryline is playing in spokane on november 11th, classic crime is playing spokane on november 22nd, then barcelona is playing spokane on december 3rd. its so crazy! last year i felt like no bands were coming to play here and this year there are so many. i love it!
i've gotten into a horrible sleep schedule. i usually go to bed around 2 am. then i get up super early [7 am on mon/wed, 8 am on tues/thurs/fri] and am completely exhausted. i'm so exhausted that i have to take a nap after my classes in order to get anything done. then, i usually have coffee around 7 or 8 at night while i'm doing my homework to keep me awake. then of course, i'm not tired enough to sleep until 2 again. it's really bad, and i can't seem to break it. if i could manage to not take a nap one day and not have coffee, i might be able to go to sleep at a normal time, but i'm too tired to get anything done when i try to do that. ugh. it's horrible annoying.
when i got home, i drove over to alissa's to have dinner with her and her mom and grandma. then i took her to ktub to see her first local show. we went to see madison drive, new heights, city in the sea, and hot donnas. they were all really good...hot donnas weren't really my style, and they seemed like they hadn't really matured as a band yet - like they didn't really know what to do on the stage. otherwise it was really fun. i loved madison drive. i've been trying to get to one of their shows for the longest time, and i'm glad i finally got to see them. it was quite sad though because there were only like twenty people left when they came on. it was still fun though. plus, their new guitarist is hilarious, but kind of awkward. haha. afterwards, we went back to her house and watched high school musical and ate an assortment of treats. it was a fabulous time.
unfortunately, i had to leave home around noon in order to get back to school so i could work on homework. yuck. the drive back was a little more difficult for me. i listened to brian regan, which helped. though, coming back to school this year is not as hard as it was last year. especially towards the beginning of last year, i felt really homesick a lot, but didn't really know why. this year, i still have days where i get home sick, but for the most part, i'm happy to be out of the house and out on my own. of course, i miss my puppies, tully especially, and the cats, oh, and my amazing bed, but i'm much happier at whitworth that i was last year.
a rocket to the moon's new ep came out today. i bought it on itunes and it is simply wonderful. it's only five songs, which makes me sad, and i had listened to two of the songs on his myspace a LOT, so only three of the songs are really new to me, but i still love it. plus, i just got a bunch of new music from my sister, so i've been enjoying all of that.
goodness gracious, i've got so many good concerts coming up soon! i'm not sure if i'm going to go to this one, but forever the sickest kids is playing at el corazon during fall break. the real you is playing here in spokane right before fall break. then i'm going to see the maine [my favies!], mayday parade, and all time low on november 7th in seattle. ivoryline is playing in spokane on november 11th, classic crime is playing spokane on november 22nd, then barcelona is playing spokane on december 3rd. its so crazy! last year i felt like no bands were coming to play here and this year there are so many. i love it!
i've gotten into a horrible sleep schedule. i usually go to bed around 2 am. then i get up super early [7 am on mon/wed, 8 am on tues/thurs/fri] and am completely exhausted. i'm so exhausted that i have to take a nap after my classes in order to get anything done. then, i usually have coffee around 7 or 8 at night while i'm doing my homework to keep me awake. then of course, i'm not tired enough to sleep until 2 again. it's really bad, and i can't seem to break it. if i could manage to not take a nap one day and not have coffee, i might be able to go to sleep at a normal time, but i'm too tired to get anything done when i try to do that. ugh. it's horrible annoying.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
the crumbling-world days
why are some days so fantastic and wonderful and happy, and then others i feel like my world is crumbling? and mostly for no reason at all? today has been one of those days - the crumbling-world days, that is. sometimes these days happen because everything seems to be going wrong, like the world is out to get me, and other times (like today), i just feel really down but don't really know why. things that don't really matter appear to be huge problems, and i tend to blow things out of proportion, making my situation feel worse than it actually is. my mind will jump to the worst possible conclusion about everything. ugh. the worst part is that i feel dumb for feeling this way because i know there are people going through way worse things, like i shouldn't feel like this because my life isn't that bad. i can't help it though. every once in a while i get this way and i don't know how to make it stop.
i'm really in need of a dose of home - much more than i thought. i'm not really homesick, i just need to get away from here for a couple days, get out of the pinecone curtain and spend some time with my family and the people that love me. i only have to wait one more week, then i'm driving home. october 10th-12th. i can't wait. it'll be a really short weekend, but so worth it. i'm much happier at whitworth than i was last year, but seriously, something about being here just puts me in a weird mood that i can't explain. maybe it's because i have too much time to think, to contemplate things, my life. maybe it's because i feel like i have to put on a facad all the time that everythings perfect and i love everything about my life and nothing bad ever happens. in a sense, i don't feel like i can completely be myself. not that i want to be around a bunch of unhappy people all the time, but most people here are too happy - like they just pretend like nothing's ever wrong. we all have problems.
i need to just go to bed and pray. i'll wake up tomorrow fresh and new in god's grace.
i'm really in need of a dose of home - much more than i thought. i'm not really homesick, i just need to get away from here for a couple days, get out of the pinecone curtain and spend some time with my family and the people that love me. i only have to wait one more week, then i'm driving home. october 10th-12th. i can't wait. it'll be a really short weekend, but so worth it. i'm much happier at whitworth than i was last year, but seriously, something about being here just puts me in a weird mood that i can't explain. maybe it's because i have too much time to think, to contemplate things, my life. maybe it's because i feel like i have to put on a facad all the time that everythings perfect and i love everything about my life and nothing bad ever happens. in a sense, i don't feel like i can completely be myself. not that i want to be around a bunch of unhappy people all the time, but most people here are too happy - like they just pretend like nothing's ever wrong. we all have problems.
i need to just go to bed and pray. i'll wake up tomorrow fresh and new in god's grace.
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