the time is currently 11:52 PM on january 7th, 2009. i leave for new york city tomorrow morning...early morning...4:15AM to be exact. i have had horrible insomnia for the last three days, and i'm not sure why. is the anticipation too much? am i stressed? who knows. right now i'm debating whether to try to go to sleep and get three and a half hours, or to just stay up all night and try and sleep on the plane. well, either way i'll be sleeping on the plane. three and a half hours is in the middle of the sleep cycle, so could very well make me more tired than not sleeping at all. it doesn't help that i'm not tired at all right now. i finished packing an hour or two ago. i always get the feeling that i'm forgetting something, but i have no idea what it might be. i've made lists and crossed everything off, so i can't imagine i've forgotten something that my life depends on. the feeling is much more intense when it's a long trip like this. it's not like going home for a weekend, where most things i'd forget are easily accessible. i'm going to freaking new york and dc! it still hasn't sunk in completely, and i don't think it will until the plane lands. i feel so blessed to be able to go on a trip like this. even though it's more focused on print media and journalism, that's okay. the marketing and advertising field penetrates every kind of media, and who knows? i may discover something i'd be interested in doing that i haven't thought of yet or realized.
i know that tomorrow i will regret not getting more sleep. it is nearly impossible for me to go to bed before midnight any more, not matter how little sleep i got the night before. maybe the lack of sleep will help me adjust to NY time...i'll be really tired and will hopefully be able to fall asleep at a normal hour, even though it's three hours ahead. i haven't had to deal with a time change in a long time. the farthest i've gone in probably five years is utah, which i'm not sure even has a time change...?
i should really try to sleep, or at least get into my bed and rest. haha. as if. wow, i haven't used that phrase in a very long time. yikes.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Monday, January 5, 2009
i won't feel bad when i don't do whatever i set out to do.
i don't make new year's resolutions. we all say the same things ("lose weight," "be a better person"...etc.) but we never keep them. i will admit that i, too, am an offender of this crime. i've decided that i'm just not going to make resolutions any more. that way, i won't feel bad when i don't do whatever i set out to do, simply because another day arrived, and it happened to be the start of the next year. i'm over it.
my fingers hurt from too much guitar playing. it's a good hurt, though. one of the pains that results from something beneficial, so it's actually a good pain, you know? it's a pain that means i'm getting better. every time i practice, i get better. i really like the guitar. i think it's because i can just pick it up and play. when i played band instruments, i felt like it was always a huge production to practice for a half hour. when i played the oboe, i had to put it together, set up my music stand, get out all my music, and soak my reed in water for five to ten minutes before i could actually start playing. it was too much effort.
spokane has gotten six feet of snow this winter already, from december to now. i just got back to school last night at midnight. my flight was scheduled to leave seatac at 9:00 and land in spokane at 9:58. i boarded the plane at 8:30, as did all the passengers. it was snowing all around seattle, so i was afraid my flight would be delayed, but when i arrived at the airport and boarded the plane, every sign said it was on time. once we all got situated on the plane, we proceeded to wait, confused about why we hadn't left yet. they told us to turn off all of our electronic devices, so we could take off. after a half hour without any explanation as to why we hadn't pushed off yet, i turned my cell phone on to inform my ride that we'd be late. then, they told us to turn off our phones and such because we'd be pushing off "any moment now." another half hour ticks by. i got my phone out yet again to text my friend. eventually they started de-icing the plane, which of course took twenty minutes. we didn't end up taking off until 10:30. we sat on the plane for two hours without any explanation from the crew. it was really frustrating that we all had no idea what was happening. then of course, the sky was dumping mounds of snow onto wonderful spokompton. i got back to campus at midnight (i had class at 9am), and had to trudge through the snow-covered parking lot and sidewalks to my room. it was a disaster. luckily, i'm finally settled back in. there's so much snow, though, and i hate it. i will admit that it's really beautiful and there's something calming about walking around campus with the snow lightly falling around you. i just hate that it makes me a prisoner.
i'm leaving for new york in three days. it's finally starting to sink in, a little bit. i don't think it'll fully sink in until i'm actually there. i cannot wait.
my fingers hurt from too much guitar playing. it's a good hurt, though. one of the pains that results from something beneficial, so it's actually a good pain, you know? it's a pain that means i'm getting better. every time i practice, i get better. i really like the guitar. i think it's because i can just pick it up and play. when i played band instruments, i felt like it was always a huge production to practice for a half hour. when i played the oboe, i had to put it together, set up my music stand, get out all my music, and soak my reed in water for five to ten minutes before i could actually start playing. it was too much effort.
spokane has gotten six feet of snow this winter already, from december to now. i just got back to school last night at midnight. my flight was scheduled to leave seatac at 9:00 and land in spokane at 9:58. i boarded the plane at 8:30, as did all the passengers. it was snowing all around seattle, so i was afraid my flight would be delayed, but when i arrived at the airport and boarded the plane, every sign said it was on time. once we all got situated on the plane, we proceeded to wait, confused about why we hadn't left yet. they told us to turn off all of our electronic devices, so we could take off. after a half hour without any explanation as to why we hadn't pushed off yet, i turned my cell phone on to inform my ride that we'd be late. then, they told us to turn off our phones and such because we'd be pushing off "any moment now." another half hour ticks by. i got my phone out yet again to text my friend. eventually they started de-icing the plane, which of course took twenty minutes. we didn't end up taking off until 10:30. we sat on the plane for two hours without any explanation from the crew. it was really frustrating that we all had no idea what was happening. then of course, the sky was dumping mounds of snow onto wonderful spokompton. i got back to campus at midnight (i had class at 9am), and had to trudge through the snow-covered parking lot and sidewalks to my room. it was a disaster. luckily, i'm finally settled back in. there's so much snow, though, and i hate it. i will admit that it's really beautiful and there's something calming about walking around campus with the snow lightly falling around you. i just hate that it makes me a prisoner.
i'm leaving for new york in three days. it's finally starting to sink in, a little bit. i don't think it'll fully sink in until i'm actually there. i cannot wait.
Friday, December 26, 2008
vanilla lattes with fluffy foam and pretty designs.
sometimes i get in a mood where i just have to write...anything at all that comes to mind, however ridiculous or random it may be. here is the result:
i have horrible balance, and therefore, cannot do any sports that involve any sort of 'gliding' action, such as ice skating, roller blading, and skiing. i hate dancing...in front of people. i don't mind it when i'm alone. if i won't dance somewhere, it means i'm not comfortable enough. i like wearing glasses, even though some people see them as a blemish of the face. i think they're cute. i'm horribly insecure, and god, do i know it. i've been working at it. sometimes i get the feeling my friends don't like me, don't want to spend time with me. it happens a lot, and i don't know what to do about it. i wish i could draw. i have a love for shoes that is not quite at obsession status yet. sometimes i think life would be much simpler to be living in a situation like "lost," of course, without the smoke monster and the 'others.' i love god, but sometimes i wonder, does he really hear my prayers? or, more importantly, does he listen? it makes me sad that sex holds no meaning any more. wearing a favorite hoodie can make my day ten times better. and on the opposite side of the spectrum, a bad hair/wardrobe day can make my day ten times worse. i'm learning to love [some] screamo music. i'm a sucker for vanilla lattes with fluffy foam and pretty designs. i miss the feel of riding breeches and paddock boots. i even miss the bucking fits and biting horses. i miss the days when dressing up for halloween was cute and wholesome. i've always tried to journal, but could never manage to keep it up for more than a few weeks. i can't stand it when people wear their backpacks on one shoulder, though i must admit, i did when i was seven. music makes me happy, when nothing else can. if all else fails, at least i can play it loud enough to drown every thing else out. i like changing my hair often, whether it be the color or the cut. i get bored too quickly. i love the color yellow because it's bright and cheery. i want to impact someone's life. i'm not going to go so far to say that i want to change the world, but if i can truly impact one person's life, i'll be satisfied. i have no desire to skydive or bungee jump. i don't thinking risking my life for a quick thrill is really worth it. i wish people didn't have to change. i wish people wouldn't 'grow apart.' i hate being shy, and i hate confrontation. i avoid it at all costs. i don't like to bring up touchy subjects because i always just want everyone to get along and be happy, which is never the case. i love little inventions like the apple slicer. i'm really over this right now. the end.
i have horrible balance, and therefore, cannot do any sports that involve any sort of 'gliding' action, such as ice skating, roller blading, and skiing. i hate dancing...in front of people. i don't mind it when i'm alone. if i won't dance somewhere, it means i'm not comfortable enough. i like wearing glasses, even though some people see them as a blemish of the face. i think they're cute. i'm horribly insecure, and god, do i know it. i've been working at it. sometimes i get the feeling my friends don't like me, don't want to spend time with me. it happens a lot, and i don't know what to do about it. i wish i could draw. i have a love for shoes that is not quite at obsession status yet. sometimes i think life would be much simpler to be living in a situation like "lost," of course, without the smoke monster and the 'others.' i love god, but sometimes i wonder, does he really hear my prayers? or, more importantly, does he listen? it makes me sad that sex holds no meaning any more. wearing a favorite hoodie can make my day ten times better. and on the opposite side of the spectrum, a bad hair/wardrobe day can make my day ten times worse. i'm learning to love [some] screamo music. i'm a sucker for vanilla lattes with fluffy foam and pretty designs. i miss the feel of riding breeches and paddock boots. i even miss the bucking fits and biting horses. i miss the days when dressing up for halloween was cute and wholesome. i've always tried to journal, but could never manage to keep it up for more than a few weeks. i can't stand it when people wear their backpacks on one shoulder, though i must admit, i did when i was seven. music makes me happy, when nothing else can. if all else fails, at least i can play it loud enough to drown every thing else out. i like changing my hair often, whether it be the color or the cut. i get bored too quickly. i love the color yellow because it's bright and cheery. i want to impact someone's life. i'm not going to go so far to say that i want to change the world, but if i can truly impact one person's life, i'll be satisfied. i have no desire to skydive or bungee jump. i don't thinking risking my life for a quick thrill is really worth it. i wish people didn't have to change. i wish people wouldn't 'grow apart.' i hate being shy, and i hate confrontation. i avoid it at all costs. i don't like to bring up touchy subjects because i always just want everyone to get along and be happy, which is never the case. i love little inventions like the apple slicer. i'm really over this right now. the end.
Friday, December 5, 2008
it was pure bliss, as my memory recalled so many great moments.
it's friday. another week is in the bag. i go home on wednesday, which i can't believe.
i saw barcelona on wednesday night. i went alone, which was quite depressing. for the first three bands, i just sat in the back and texted people and listened to the music. there were a ton of people there, and i felt like everyone was staring at me, the loser who was sitting alone. it was pretty miserable. the worst part was, all the opening bands were really good, but i couldn't enjoy them cause i was wallowing it a pit of pity. once barcelona started, i decided to stand up and move closer so i could actually see. they were amazing, as always. they played a new song that i had never heard. it was really beautiful, but extremely sad. it was so nice to see them again. it's only been a few months, but they just never get old. ever.
i had my guitar final on tuesday. i am going to miss that class. paul was so chill and was a great teacher. i learned a lot, for only having about ten weeks of class. for our final, we could play anything we wanted...literally anything. i chose to play 'what child is this?". i also planned to sing, which i was super nervous for. i had never sung in front of people before. ever. i know i can at least carry a tune, but i definitely do not have a great voice. i sang three verses of the song, and i didn't mess up at all. at least it was a really informal performance. we didn't even have to stand up in front of the class! i might try to take the intermediate guitar class next semester. i really want to keep learning, and paul is teaching it again, so i know it'll be amazing.
last night, i went to bed at 9:00. i got twelve hours of sleep, on a school night, which is basically unheard of at college. for some reason i was exhausted and it was too late to take a nap. i had no homework that i had to do (i always have things i can do) so i decided that i may as well use my time well and get a good night's sleep for once.
lost starts again in january. i absolutely cannot wait! that show is so fantastic. i watched a preview on abc.com and got really excited. i hardly remember anything that happened in the fourth season, so i think i'm going go try to re-watch seasons three and four over christmas break. i love it.
the new moneta EP came in the mail yesterday. it made me so happy. i literally smiled when i opened my mailbox and saw the package slip sitting there. i knew immediately what it was. there are a couple songs on there that they've been singing live for the longest time, but had not released a recording of. i walked really fast back to my room and ripped the package open. then i had a little dance party all by my lonesome to some of my favorite songs, like 'no surrender'. the first time i heard that song, i thought it was so epic, and listening to it just brought back to many happy memories of a bunch of shows i went to. i just sat and listened to it all the way through without doing anything else at all. it was pure bliss, as my memory recalled so many great moments.
finals week is next week, though i only have two days of finals. i leave to come home on wednesday, while most people don't get to leave until friday or saturday. there's something about the time around finals week that just screams 'drama.' for some reason, the most stressful time of the year for college students is also the week that carries the most drama of any week in the year. why is that? well, it sucks. a lot. and i just wish that we could all just get along perfectly and never have any problems. but if we never have problems, it wouldn't really be 'life.' oh well. i get on a plane in 5 days and i can go home and relax for three weeks.
i've been sort of reclusive lately, and i'm not quite sure why. last night there was a christmas party in my dorm, and a bunch of people went. there was a gift exchange, cookies, and plenty of christmas cheer. i was in one of those moods where i don't want to be social, especially the fake-kind, where you have to put on a face and be all bubbly and happy and talkative. ya know? so i didn't go. at all. i stayed in my room and then went to bed at 9:15pm. that's the earliest i've gone to bed all year. then i slept for twelve hours since i didn't have class until 10 this morning. then earlier today, i took a nap for an hour, when i really shouldn't have been tired. and now, i have nothing to do tonight, so i'll probably end up going to bed early (well...early for a friday night is midnight). i hate this.
i saw barcelona on wednesday night. i went alone, which was quite depressing. for the first three bands, i just sat in the back and texted people and listened to the music. there were a ton of people there, and i felt like everyone was staring at me, the loser who was sitting alone. it was pretty miserable. the worst part was, all the opening bands were really good, but i couldn't enjoy them cause i was wallowing it a pit of pity. once barcelona started, i decided to stand up and move closer so i could actually see. they were amazing, as always. they played a new song that i had never heard. it was really beautiful, but extremely sad. it was so nice to see them again. it's only been a few months, but they just never get old. ever.
i had my guitar final on tuesday. i am going to miss that class. paul was so chill and was a great teacher. i learned a lot, for only having about ten weeks of class. for our final, we could play anything we wanted...literally anything. i chose to play 'what child is this?". i also planned to sing, which i was super nervous for. i had never sung in front of people before. ever. i know i can at least carry a tune, but i definitely do not have a great voice. i sang three verses of the song, and i didn't mess up at all. at least it was a really informal performance. we didn't even have to stand up in front of the class! i might try to take the intermediate guitar class next semester. i really want to keep learning, and paul is teaching it again, so i know it'll be amazing.
last night, i went to bed at 9:00. i got twelve hours of sleep, on a school night, which is basically unheard of at college. for some reason i was exhausted and it was too late to take a nap. i had no homework that i had to do (i always have things i can do) so i decided that i may as well use my time well and get a good night's sleep for once.
lost starts again in january. i absolutely cannot wait! that show is so fantastic. i watched a preview on abc.com and got really excited. i hardly remember anything that happened in the fourth season, so i think i'm going go try to re-watch seasons three and four over christmas break. i love it.
the new moneta EP came in the mail yesterday. it made me so happy. i literally smiled when i opened my mailbox and saw the package slip sitting there. i knew immediately what it was. there are a couple songs on there that they've been singing live for the longest time, but had not released a recording of. i walked really fast back to my room and ripped the package open. then i had a little dance party all by my lonesome to some of my favorite songs, like 'no surrender'. the first time i heard that song, i thought it was so epic, and listening to it just brought back to many happy memories of a bunch of shows i went to. i just sat and listened to it all the way through without doing anything else at all. it was pure bliss, as my memory recalled so many great moments.
finals week is next week, though i only have two days of finals. i leave to come home on wednesday, while most people don't get to leave until friday or saturday. there's something about the time around finals week that just screams 'drama.' for some reason, the most stressful time of the year for college students is also the week that carries the most drama of any week in the year. why is that? well, it sucks. a lot. and i just wish that we could all just get along perfectly and never have any problems. but if we never have problems, it wouldn't really be 'life.' oh well. i get on a plane in 5 days and i can go home and relax for three weeks.
i've been sort of reclusive lately, and i'm not quite sure why. last night there was a christmas party in my dorm, and a bunch of people went. there was a gift exchange, cookies, and plenty of christmas cheer. i was in one of those moods where i don't want to be social, especially the fake-kind, where you have to put on a face and be all bubbly and happy and talkative. ya know? so i didn't go. at all. i stayed in my room and then went to bed at 9:15pm. that's the earliest i've gone to bed all year. then i slept for twelve hours since i didn't have class until 10 this morning. then earlier today, i took a nap for an hour, when i really shouldn't have been tired. and now, i have nothing to do tonight, so i'll probably end up going to bed early (well...early for a friday night is midnight). i hate this.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
it seems as if the world won't let me forget
today has just been one of those days for me. one of those days where you just want to punch the world in the face for making you it's bitch. one of those days where everything seems to just miss the mark, and you're constantly waiting for the bulls eye. god. is that a weird analogy?
this year has been interesting, to say the least. i can't seem to forget about a certain thing, and it seems as if the world won't let me forget. i try not to think about it, to get over it, to realize nothing is going to come of it, and then the next day it's in my face again. how am i supposed to handle that? i pray about it. "god, please just take it away and help me ignore it" and then the next day, there it is! it's a little frustrating.
i love the holidays. the decorations bring joy to my heart when i see them, and i think about the wonderful times i get to spend with family and friends (and away from school and spokane). i think this year though, i've started to realize more how much i hate being single, and the holiday cheer is simply accentuating that feeling. i hear all these stupid songs about "i'll be home for christmas," "all i want for christmas is you," blah, blah, blah. those songs are great and meaningful and sweet if you have a loved one, but just rub in your loneliness when you're single. i'm at a weird point in my life. for so long i didn't even really have a desire to have a guy in my life. i was perfectly content being single and basking it all its glory. unlike a lot of girls, i don't need a man to validate myself in any way, i just desire to have that closeness with someone - an emotional connection, if you will.
enough about this mushy crap. ugh.
i get to go home in 8 days, since technically, it's already tuesday. i have quite a bit of stuff that has to get done before finals are over. i have about four papers to write, a big project for design that i have to finish, and of course four final exams. i'm not stressing too much, and my finals are much less intense than last year. plus, i lucked out and i get to leave on wednesday since i don't have any finals on thursday or friday. it'll be nice to be home and not have to think about school at all for a little while.
it hasn't snowed yet since i've been at school (it did during thanksgiving break, which i missed, thank God). in all actuality, it's kind of miraculous that i haven't had to deal with the snow. and then i'll be in new york and DC during january, so i'll miss pretty much that entire month.
i'm so done with this bad day i've had. i'm looking forward to starting a brand new one tomorrow.
this year has been interesting, to say the least. i can't seem to forget about a certain thing, and it seems as if the world won't let me forget. i try not to think about it, to get over it, to realize nothing is going to come of it, and then the next day it's in my face again. how am i supposed to handle that? i pray about it. "god, please just take it away and help me ignore it" and then the next day, there it is! it's a little frustrating.
i love the holidays. the decorations bring joy to my heart when i see them, and i think about the wonderful times i get to spend with family and friends (and away from school and spokane). i think this year though, i've started to realize more how much i hate being single, and the holiday cheer is simply accentuating that feeling. i hear all these stupid songs about "i'll be home for christmas," "all i want for christmas is you," blah, blah, blah. those songs are great and meaningful and sweet if you have a loved one, but just rub in your loneliness when you're single. i'm at a weird point in my life. for so long i didn't even really have a desire to have a guy in my life. i was perfectly content being single and basking it all its glory. unlike a lot of girls, i don't need a man to validate myself in any way, i just desire to have that closeness with someone - an emotional connection, if you will.
enough about this mushy crap. ugh.
i get to go home in 8 days, since technically, it's already tuesday. i have quite a bit of stuff that has to get done before finals are over. i have about four papers to write, a big project for design that i have to finish, and of course four final exams. i'm not stressing too much, and my finals are much less intense than last year. plus, i lucked out and i get to leave on wednesday since i don't have any finals on thursday or friday. it'll be nice to be home and not have to think about school at all for a little while.
it hasn't snowed yet since i've been at school (it did during thanksgiving break, which i missed, thank God). in all actuality, it's kind of miraculous that i haven't had to deal with the snow. and then i'll be in new york and DC during january, so i'll miss pretty much that entire month.
i'm so done with this bad day i've had. i'm looking forward to starting a brand new one tomorrow.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
i'm almost 3/8 done with college.
i'm supposed to be studying for my core test that i have on friday, but i have an utter lack of motivation at the moment. i also have a design project due tomorrow that i have to finish and an accounting test on thursday. this week blows.
i signed up for my spring classes today. i'm pretty excited about them. i'll be taking macroeconomics, writing for mass media, international business, managerial accounting, yoga, ice skating, marketing and radio. it's 18 credits, so i'll be pretty busy, but i like to be busy. if i don't have enough classes, i have too much free time that i just end up wasting. plus, yoga and ice skating are both half-semester classes so they are both over before spring break. then the second half of my semester will be more chill cause i'll have 6 less class hours a week. wow...that's a lot. i'm excited though. i don't dislike the classes i'm taking right now, i'm just getting a little sick of them and i'm ready for a change.
the end of this semester means that i am closer to my jan term trip to new york and DC. i absolutely cannot, cannot, CANNOT wait. i am so excited to see new york and i've never been to dc either. also, i will be in dc when obama is inaugurated into office. i don't know if i'll be able to go to it, but just being there while a new president comes into office is a really cool thing, especially because i love obama and i'm super happy he won the election. it would have killed me to see sarah palin in the white house.
i go home for thanksgiving break in exactly a week from today. i can't believe it has come up so quickly. after break, then i have a week and a half til i come home for christmas break. it's all happening so fast. this semester has completely flown by. i think i've definitely settled into whitworth this year. i don't know, last year was such a difficult time for me and so many things were new, plus i didn't really make any friends. i was just not happy here, but this year i feel so much more at home here. i still wouldn't call it 'home' necessarily, because i am a seattle girl in every sense of the word, and i could never call spokane 'home'. it's more of a temporary living situation. i can't wait to move back to seattle after i graduate from whitworth. i'm almost 3/8 done with college. ahh! part of me wants to be done with college so i can just start my life, but there's another part of me that wants to just stay in college forever so i never have to face reality. because, in all actuality, college in unlike any other experience, but it's not like the real world.
i wish there were more emo kids at whitworth. and more emo bands in spokane. maybe i just need to find some people to turn into emos. haha. i wish. i miss my bands back home. it's been too long...even though i get to see the classic crime on saturday! ahh. i can't wait. they are seriously, not joking, one of my favorite all time bands, especially to see live. they have one of the best live shows i've ever seen. they are headling the tour which means a really long set and lots of songs from the new album, that i'm in love with. they're playing with artist vs. poet, who are also really good. they had an ep come out today, but i'm too poor to buy it...maybe i'll buy it at the show on saturday.
also, twilight comes out this weekend! i really want to go to the midnight show, but i have a core test on friday morning. i could probably go to the midnight showing and be fine, but i think i'm going to do the smart, responsible thing and just go see it on friday afternoon. plus, then i won't have to deal with the utter mayhem that the midnight showing will entail. i just hope the movie's good. i'm a little worried, but i have hope. though, i love robert pattinson, so even if it sucks, at least i'll have been able to stare at his beautiful face for two hours.
for serious, i cannot concentrate. turkey and pumpkin pie are calling my name...
i signed up for my spring classes today. i'm pretty excited about them. i'll be taking macroeconomics, writing for mass media, international business, managerial accounting, yoga, ice skating, marketing and radio. it's 18 credits, so i'll be pretty busy, but i like to be busy. if i don't have enough classes, i have too much free time that i just end up wasting. plus, yoga and ice skating are both half-semester classes so they are both over before spring break. then the second half of my semester will be more chill cause i'll have 6 less class hours a week. wow...that's a lot. i'm excited though. i don't dislike the classes i'm taking right now, i'm just getting a little sick of them and i'm ready for a change.
the end of this semester means that i am closer to my jan term trip to new york and DC. i absolutely cannot, cannot, CANNOT wait. i am so excited to see new york and i've never been to dc either. also, i will be in dc when obama is inaugurated into office. i don't know if i'll be able to go to it, but just being there while a new president comes into office is a really cool thing, especially because i love obama and i'm super happy he won the election. it would have killed me to see sarah palin in the white house.
i go home for thanksgiving break in exactly a week from today. i can't believe it has come up so quickly. after break, then i have a week and a half til i come home for christmas break. it's all happening so fast. this semester has completely flown by. i think i've definitely settled into whitworth this year. i don't know, last year was such a difficult time for me and so many things were new, plus i didn't really make any friends. i was just not happy here, but this year i feel so much more at home here. i still wouldn't call it 'home' necessarily, because i am a seattle girl in every sense of the word, and i could never call spokane 'home'. it's more of a temporary living situation. i can't wait to move back to seattle after i graduate from whitworth. i'm almost 3/8 done with college. ahh! part of me wants to be done with college so i can just start my life, but there's another part of me that wants to just stay in college forever so i never have to face reality. because, in all actuality, college in unlike any other experience, but it's not like the real world.
i wish there were more emo kids at whitworth. and more emo bands in spokane. maybe i just need to find some people to turn into emos. haha. i wish. i miss my bands back home. it's been too long...even though i get to see the classic crime on saturday! ahh. i can't wait. they are seriously, not joking, one of my favorite all time bands, especially to see live. they have one of the best live shows i've ever seen. they are headling the tour which means a really long set and lots of songs from the new album, that i'm in love with. they're playing with artist vs. poet, who are also really good. they had an ep come out today, but i'm too poor to buy it...maybe i'll buy it at the show on saturday.
also, twilight comes out this weekend! i really want to go to the midnight show, but i have a core test on friday morning. i could probably go to the midnight showing and be fine, but i think i'm going to do the smart, responsible thing and just go see it on friday afternoon. plus, then i won't have to deal with the utter mayhem that the midnight showing will entail. i just hope the movie's good. i'm a little worried, but i have hope. though, i love robert pattinson, so even if it sucks, at least i'll have been able to stare at his beautiful face for two hours.
for serious, i cannot concentrate. turkey and pumpkin pie are calling my name...
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
trying my hardest, and obviously failing epically.
i feel sick to my stomach, but i don't think it's because i ate something bad. is it possible for your emotions to manifest themselves physically, to make the move from the mind to the body? i think that's what's happening to me right now. it's november. i've now been at school for two months. and while these past two months have flown by, they've also caused me to become increasingly aware of how much i don't want to be single any more [and also something i thought might pan out, has definitely not]. the desire to love someone and be loved in return has crept up inside me like some sort of monster that won't go away. i'm 19 years old and i've never been kissed [or been in a relationship for that matter]. i realize i'm not the only person who's in this situation, but it's still no fun. i love all of my friends to death and i've made a ton of new friends this year, but there's still a void there that can't be filled with friends. i think we all have this void until someone comes along to fill it. it's not like i've become a pile of broken pieces, waiting for someone to put me back together, i'm just starting to realize that it'd be really nice to have someone, a significant other, in my life right now.
i've said before that i didn't want to have a relationship in college because it allows people to spend way too much time together, which isn't like the real world. living in the dorms allows people to practically live together and spend every waking minute with one another. it's not a realistic situation. even if you move in together after college, you'll have jobs and won't see each other every hour of the day. i just don't want to be in a relationship that commands all of my attention or forces me to cut off time spent with friends.
i trust God's timing, and while i really felt like this was going to be the year, apparently i was wrong. who knows - maybe god thinks i'm not ready for a relationship. or maybe the man God has for me isn't ready for a relationship. there's a thousand possible reasons as to why God hasn't blessed me with a man yet. we all think we know how to run our lives, but in the end, God knows what's best. in seasons of life when things aren't happening the way we want, it's hard to just trust God and keep living your life. i'm trying my hardest, and obviously failing epically.
i've been listening to death cab's 'narrow stairs' non-stop for the last few days. it is a really great album that i highly recommend. i haven't even gotten all the way through it because i find myself listening to the first six songs over and over again. My favorite song right now is "Cath..." it's brilliant.
i've worn my hair curly the last few days. i forgot how weird it is, and annoying. i can't run my fingers through it without completely ruining it, and it gets frizzy when i take a nap during the day...so, it basically all around sucks, except for the fact that it takes a lot less time to do. i much prefer it straight. i've also been realizing lately that i miss my dark hair. i think i'll change it back soon.
i'm going home tomorrow night. the maine is playing in seattle on friday night with every avenue, mayday parade, and all time low. unfortunately, the show sold out and i forgot to buy tickets before that happened. me and emilie are driving all the way home, just holding out hope that someone will be there selling tickets. i'm a little bit worried. if we don't end up being able to get tickets, i'll be really sad, but it's not the end of the world. it'll definitely be an amazing show for sure, but there'll be other tours. we're at least going to see the maine because they are playing at the wet seal in southcenter at 3 pm. at least we'll have that. i'm still holding out hope and praying like no other.
i still feel sick.
i've said before that i didn't want to have a relationship in college because it allows people to spend way too much time together, which isn't like the real world. living in the dorms allows people to practically live together and spend every waking minute with one another. it's not a realistic situation. even if you move in together after college, you'll have jobs and won't see each other every hour of the day. i just don't want to be in a relationship that commands all of my attention or forces me to cut off time spent with friends.
i trust God's timing, and while i really felt like this was going to be the year, apparently i was wrong. who knows - maybe god thinks i'm not ready for a relationship. or maybe the man God has for me isn't ready for a relationship. there's a thousand possible reasons as to why God hasn't blessed me with a man yet. we all think we know how to run our lives, but in the end, God knows what's best. in seasons of life when things aren't happening the way we want, it's hard to just trust God and keep living your life. i'm trying my hardest, and obviously failing epically.
i've been listening to death cab's 'narrow stairs' non-stop for the last few days. it is a really great album that i highly recommend. i haven't even gotten all the way through it because i find myself listening to the first six songs over and over again. My favorite song right now is "Cath..." it's brilliant.
i've worn my hair curly the last few days. i forgot how weird it is, and annoying. i can't run my fingers through it without completely ruining it, and it gets frizzy when i take a nap during the day...so, it basically all around sucks, except for the fact that it takes a lot less time to do. i much prefer it straight. i've also been realizing lately that i miss my dark hair. i think i'll change it back soon.
i'm going home tomorrow night. the maine is playing in seattle on friday night with every avenue, mayday parade, and all time low. unfortunately, the show sold out and i forgot to buy tickets before that happened. me and emilie are driving all the way home, just holding out hope that someone will be there selling tickets. i'm a little bit worried. if we don't end up being able to get tickets, i'll be really sad, but it's not the end of the world. it'll definitely be an amazing show for sure, but there'll be other tours. we're at least going to see the maine because they are playing at the wet seal in southcenter at 3 pm. at least we'll have that. i'm still holding out hope and praying like no other.
i still feel sick.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
