Dead Animal Carcass

the floor shakes beneath my chair as i sit at my desk. why, you ask? because the bass in the music below me is entirely too loud. unfortunately, it's not quiet hours until 11 o'clock, at which point (if they haven't already) i will go downstairs and politely ask them to turn it down.

today we had what is called 'community building day' where morning classes are cancelled and freshmen have to take buses off campus with their freshman seminar class to do community service. my group had to go to a place called the "kairos house of prayer." where we raked pine needles for three hours straight. not to mention that it was freaking cold outside, and my hand started hurting. oh, and there was a dead animal carcass by where we were dumping the pine needles after raking them. clearly it was a wonderful time.

last night me and rebecca went to a free concert in the hub of a band called oppenheimer. they were from ireland, and actually pretty good, despite the fact that all of their songs sound the same. i got very excited because the lead singer said they were going to see snoqualmie falls the next day. i felt cool because they are a half hour away from my house. the sad thing was, rebecca said she has never been there, which is a tragedy. actually, they really aren't anything special, but you have to see them at least once, especially if you live close!

i got the grade for my first painting back today. i got 90 out of 100, which is equivalent to a B in my class. in order to get an A, you have to get 98%, which is basically insanity. the annoying thing is, my teacher said he liked the top right and bottom left parts of my painting, which were my least favorite. it's so annoying to get graded basically on opinion. ugh.

i took two pages front and back of notes in my three hour long C.S. lewis class today. half way through my thumb made this horribly painful pop. it still hurts. it's really becoming a nuisance to me.

you know what i hate? i hate it when you order a sandwich and they don't put enough stuff on it. like, they put two pieces of turkey, a thin piece of lettuce, three little pickle slices all spread out and one little smear of mayonnaise on one piece of the bread. you know what i mean? how hard is it to take the extra ten seconds to put a normal amount of meat on the sandwich? i think this is why i could never work a job doing something like this. i would spend too much time getting the perfect amount of meat, and spreading the condiments evenly across both pieces of bread.

i feel like i have no idea what is going on in the world outside of the pine cone curtain that is whitworth university. even when i was home, i never read the newspaper or watched the news. but the paper was always sitting on the table and i would mindlessly read an article here and there, and would randomly watch the news if nothing else was on. i can't stand that i don't know what is happening right now. i never have time and i am too lazy to look up the news online and take the time to read it. there's always so much going on and so many things running through my mind that i can't even attempt to fit anything else into my busy schedule.

i really want to go home for a couple days right now. if i had a car, i would probably be driving home this weekend. i am so sick of cafeteria food and sleeping the dorm room. i just really want to get away from everything that is going on right now. i want to escape, just run away from it. i don't want to have to face the issues at hand, or deal with the things that are bothering me, or speak my mind. i have a hard enough time speaking my mind at home. i hate confrontation, and i don't want to create it or deal with its consequences. not that i don't like rooming with rebecca, i just don't have any place that is my own. there is no where i can go where there won't be other people. i can hardly ever be alone, and it's never at a time when i really need to be alone. you don't realize how much you take having your own room for granted until you don't have it any more.

i also wish i had someone here who knew all of my inside jokes. nearly everything that i hear or say reminds me of some inside joke with either my sister, or other people. and then start to laugh and try to explain it, but of course it's not funny to any one else. and then i get sad because those people aren't with me.

ugh. i am not having a good week. i feel like i'm not myself any more. i used to be really bubbly and happy all the time. i'm never like that any more. i know why, but there's nothing i can do to change the situation.

piano time. it always makes me feel at least fractionally better.