a hermit crab.

today is one of the first days since school started that i haven't felt overwhelmed. it's an amazing feeling.

i fear there isn't much to report today. college life is much more boring than it's made out to be. although i had a sub for my discussion group today and he believed the bible was all fiction. he didn't believe in original sin, or that adam and eve were the first people on earth. he also didn't believe in miracles. all this to say we had a very stimulating discussion. i must admit it was better than talking about character with my other leader.

i got rebecca addicted to lost. it wasn't very hard to do though. we are already over half way through the first season, but we've got a long way to go if she's going to watch the fourth season when it starts in february.

i've been missing seattle a lot lately. i feel safe there, much safer than here in spokane. while waiting for the bus a few days ago on Division street with rebecca, lauren, and heather, i actually got really scared. we were waiting for the bus at about 9 pm. i have been to so many concerts in seattle that normally end at 11 or later, and i almost never feel unsafe while walking back to my car. it could be that this just a new city, but i don't feel safe here. it could also be that i just don't feel at home here. seattle has always been my home, the only home i've ever known.

i miss pike place. i miss the mini powdered doughnuts. i miss going to the original starbucks with the line out the door. i miss the randomly placed painted pig statues. the fire alarm just went off. i physically jumped. it was sooo cold outside and now i'm freezing. anyways...back to things i miss. i miss there being like twenty concerts a week. i miss the amazing gyros. i miss people at the pike place ale house thinking i'm 21 when i'm only 18 (don't worry, i didn't drink, haha). i miss getting to concert like 2 hours early to end up wandering around for an hour and a half. i miss all of the amazing bands. i miss going to see a band live five or six times and not getting sick of them. i miss "our" parking lot on 2nd and pine. i miss the rainy weather. i miss having a car to go places.

you know what i really miss? my puppy. i miss him soo horribly. his picture is on my desk, along with a picture of my cute, innocent little kitten. i miss the noises bubba makes while he's sleeping...those adorable grunts and groans. i miss him curled up on my lap while i watch tv. i miss driving around with him sleeping on the seat next to me. i miss taking him to the starbucks drive thru and watch him shake at seeing the stranger. i miss his wrinkles. i miss my kitten sitting at my feet while playing the piano. i miss waking up to discover her curled up on the bed next to me. i miss how she drools when you pet her for more than a minute. i miss her golden yellow happy eyes. and of course, i miss my mooky. i miss hugging him. i miss taking naps with my head on his side, up and down. i miss kissing his whiskers and his graying muzzle. i miss how he smiles at you when he hasn't seen you for a few days.

why am i torturing myself thinking about things like this? it's not making me feel any better.

i'm starting to feel sort of lonely these days. a few factors have led to this feeling, none of which i care to talk about on here. well, actually that's kind of a lie. basically one thing has led to this feeling.

did i mention i am still sick? and that i finished my first painting today? i hate it. i kind of want to burn it. even though it took me probably 8 to 10 hours. its repulsive to me. i really have NO natural painting talent. and apparently i have to do a painting in the style of surrealism. i don't really know what that is, besides the fact that salvador dali (whom i learned about in spanish class last year) was a surrealist painter. being a perfectionist, i don't think i will really end up liking any of the paintings i do, but we shall see.

i watched the most horrible movie for my core 150 class today. it was called The Chosen. all you need to know is that there is a 15 minute scene with a close up of an old man's face from the upper lip to his hair...it's just him talking for 15 minutes. and you can't understand what he's saying because he mumbles and has so much facial hair that you can't even try and read his lips while he's talking. it was so boring. never waste your time on it.

these two blogs i have written have been very long, and that is because i have a lot of alone time. and i mean A LOT.

i feel sort of like a hermit crab that comes out for necessary things like going to class and eating, but retreats into it's shell otherwise. i don't mean to be this way. i didn't start out this way...but that is what i have become.

i'm happy that i have a keyboard in my room. piano is something that just helps me forget the world. i can play my sorrows away. i think i will go play them away right now.