are you ever so fed up that you stop caring?

do you ever have days where you just wonder what people are thinking? why they make certain choices? are you ever baffled at what people you know do with their lives and what they spend their time doing? do you ever just want to scream at someone 'what are you thinking'? do you ever want to try to wake someone from the sleep they seem to be in? are you ever so fed up that you stop caring and stop pretending to be nice? because i've been having a lot of those days lately.

i really have not been a happy person lately. i just always feel down about something, and most of the time i don't really know what is making me feel this way. last year if i felt sad, i could just sit with bubba sleeping on my lap and watch tv. it helped me to forget everything that was going on, forget the world, forget my problems. or i would take a nap sleeping on tully, listening to his heart beat, feeling his chest go up and down as he breathed slowly. it calmed me down, helped me to think rationally and not be so angry about stuff that was going on. i have no where that i can escape to here. no one to help me feel better. no fluffy kittens that will come purr at my feet, no smushy faced puppy to make me smile, no big dog that i can lay on...no bedroom to lock myself into, no concert i can go to to clear my head, no one to vent my problems to that will understand me, and no car to drive my problems away with.

i can't wait to go home on thursday. monday and tuesday of this week are gonna be monsters, but once tuesday at 9:30 rolls around, it's cake until i leave for break on thursday at 3. i'm going to see if i can not go to painting class on thursday, then i literally could sleep in as late as i want. oh wait, scratch that. i'm having coffee with On at some point on thursday morning, but it would be amazing to not have any classes to go to the entire day.

my pilates class starts tomorrow. i'm going to try it out, but i might end up dropping it because it's in the middle of the day, and i'm already swamped all the time. if it's more yoga-like pilates, i might stay in because it may actually help relieve my stress. but if it's really intense, i will probably wait until next semester. i'm just always feel like i have an overabundance of homework, and i sometimes do my gospel of john homework during that hour. i don't know, i guess i will go monday and wednesday and see if it's going to be okay.

oh my word. i just absolutely cannot wait to scoop bubba up in my arms and wrap myself around tully. and have my little kitten sleep with me at night in my amazingly large and comfortable be. oh man, i can't believe i get to go home in three days! ahhh!

now, i must be off to study for my major c.s. lewis test that's on tuesday. oh, and did i mention that i have a painting due on tuesday that i've only done the initial painting? that's going to be fun trying to finish that tomorrow. ahaha...somebody help me.